Honest, if Abe Had Been a Spy, It Was Big News

Former Chicago Bear Coach Abe Gibron, who died recently, stood 5-feet-11 and weighed well over 300 pounds.

When Gibron was scouting for the Seattle Seahawks in 1985, Sam Wyche, then coach of the Cincinnati Bengals, accused Chuck Knox, Seattle’s coach, of sending Gibron to a Bengal game to steal sideline signals.

Knox said he sent Gibron to scout, not spy. “If we were to send a spy,” Knox said, “I would think we would be a little more discreet about it. We had to get Abe two seats in the press box.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the UCLA record for longest kickoff return?

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Isn’t he? Mike Littwin in the Rocky Mountain News, on University of Colorado football Coach Rick Neuheisel also being a lawyer: “Most coaches think habeas corpus is a field-goal kicker for the 49ers.”

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Worth the trip: Bernie Lincicome in the Chicago Tribune: “Stalker of the Year, or Maybe Next Spring There Will Be Enough of Us for a Convoy:

“A fan from Ohio, David E. Henry, drove all the way to Sarasota (Fla.) just to yell at Albert Belle.”

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Geography major: BBC announcers openly rooted for European players during the Ryder Cup. Said one BBC analyst: “Of course I want the Europeans to win. I’m not from Michigan or Illinois, wherever that is.”

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Teasing Earl: Tom FitzGerald of the San Francisco Chronicle, on Tiger Woods’ father, Earl, complaining about not getting a freebie to the Ryder Cup:

“Earl is probably still seething that Stanford didn’t invite him to join the faculty when Tiger was a student.”

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Flip a coin? Jay Leno, on Marv Albert: “It’s expected he’ll be given two choices for his punishment, either a year in jail or six months announcing Clipper games.”

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Strange analogy: Seattle Seahawk defensive tackle Dan Saleaumua on playing against his former team, the Kansas City Chiefs, last Sunday: “It’s like watching my wife cook for another guy.”

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Roses are out: In a recent game against Oakland, the New York Jets fooled the Raiders with a fake-punt pass completion. When asked if the play was designed to send a message to the rest of the NFL, Jet Coach Bill Parcells replied:

“Message? We’re trying to win the game, we’re not sending any messages. This isn’t some FTD florist operation here.”

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Come again? Yogi Berra, explaining why he bought an expensive life insurance policy: “I’ll get it when I die.”

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Looking back: On this day in 1938, Bob Feller of the Cleveland Indians struck out 18 Detroit batters to set a single-game, nine-inning record that stood until Steve Carlton broke it in 1969.

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Trivia answer: Al Hoisch, 103 yards against Illinois in the 1947 Rose Bowl game.

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And finally: At Houlihan’s Stadium in Tampa, team owner Malcolm Glazer stands and gives a thumbs-up to the fans when the Buccaneers score, and they send a thumbs-up back to him. If the unbeaten Buccaneers start to lose, Glazer may get a different digit signal from the fans.