Punch Lines

Cafe Kevorkian: Florida executed four people this week. “It’s getting so busy on death row that they’ve done away with the last meal. They just put in a buffet.” (Jay Leno)

Goon With a View: Jerry Springer has signed a $2-million movie deal with the producers of “Kingpin” and “Dumb and Dumber.” “Sorry, Merchant Ivory. You snooze, you lose.” (Dennis Miller)

Vows of Steel: Romance novelist Danielle Steel got married for the fifth time. “At the end of the service, the minister said, ‘You may now press your quivering lips against the bride’s hot, eager, hungry mouth.’ ” (Premiere Radio)

More Legroom: Former Chrysler honcho Lee Iacocca has been named acting chairman of the Koo Koo Roo chicken chain. “Now the chicken will come in three shades: white, dark and metallic green.” (Premiere Radio)

Apology Streak: “When President Clinton arrived in Senegal, he got off the plane and apologized to the tarmac.” (Bill Maher)

Better to Give: “During his Africa trip, President Clinton stopped at a souvenir stand in Rwanda to pick up gifts, including a collar for his dog, Buddy, a hat for Chelsea, and the Ebola virus for Kenneth Starr.” (Miller)

Favorite Pastime: For their home opener, the New York Yankees plan a new promotion. “It’s ‘Ladies Who Have Slept With President Clinton Night.’ ” (David Letterman)

Americagate: A former Miss America claims she and Clinton once had consensual sex. “And just in case she wasn’t able to fulfill her duties, Clinton also had sex with the runner-up.” (Conan O’Brien)

O.U.C.H.: A UC San Diego study of death certificates found that people with initials such as J.O.Y. or W.O.W. lived longer. “Those with the shortest lives had initials like D.O.A. and R.I.P.” (Joshua Sostrin)

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The De-Expanded David Letterman:

Top 10 rejected major league baseball expansion teams . . .

6. The Honolulu Hakamalahainamukulueis

1. The Washington Interns

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