Everyone Talks About Fattening Stats: He Does It

Bob Kravitz in the Rocky Mountain News, on Colorado Rocky slugger Dante Bichette, who is off to a fast start after gaining 26 pounds:

“As far as I’m concerned, the moral of the Bichette story is, when in doubt, find the Wendy’s drive-through window. . . . Big is beautiful. Big is wonderful. Big is back, in the way it was in Victorian times, when girth was a sign of refinement and wealth.

“It’s enough to make you hole up in a dingy motel room surrounded by a tower of Domino’s pizza boxes, watching 20 hours of Classic Sports Network a day. (What? A guy can’t dream?)”

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Add Rockies: Larry Walker and the other Colorado sluggers are copying the Mile High salute that identified the Super Bowl champion Denver Broncos.

“It’s not coming from our cockiness,” Walker said of the military salute at home plate after a home run. “Hopefully, what worked for them will work for us.”

It also will work to antagonize opposing teams.

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Last add Denver: Jim Armstrong in the Denver Post: “The Broncos are still trying to figure out when they’re going to the White House.

“Evidently, they’re having a hard time finding a date when nothing is going on in the Oval Office.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the NBA record for steals in the regular season?

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No wizardry: Thomas Boswell in the Washington Post, on the Washington Wizards:

“They have a [terrible] record in a league with so many pathetic teams that it ought to be impossible for the club with the sixth-highest payroll to finish under .500.

“Any team with an iota of talent starts the season with a dozen free wins against these quasi-CBA frauds. But the Wizards can lose to anybody. And do, regularly.”

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Keep looking: Romania’s Gheorghe Muresan, the 7-foot-7 center of the Wizards, hasn’t played this season because of an ankle injury.

That didn’t stop him from making his acting debut in “My Giant” with Billy Crystal. Asked if he plans to make another film, he said, “If I find the script I like.”

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Hoop dreams: After the Miami Heat wrapped up its second consecutive Atlantic Division title and no worse than the second seeding in the Eastern Conference, Heat guard Tim Hardaway bravely said:

“I want to dethrone the Bulls while Michael Jordan is still there. That’s everyone’s goal. He did it to Detroit. Now it’s our turn to do it to him.”

Don’t hold your breath.

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Trivia answer: Alvin Robertson of San Antonio, with 301 in 1985-86.

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And finally: Bernie Lincicome in the Chicago Tribune: “Baseball’s best friend in Chicago is the Bulls. . . . Baseball is allowed to disappear for all of May and half of June, vanishing with the first Bull playoff game and returning only after the victory debris has been cleaned from Grant Park.

“The Cubs get the same benefit as the Sox, as well as time to let the ivy fill in.”