Cliff Notes for the Pac-10

The college football season officially arrived here Tuesday with Pac-10 media day, an annual event attended by conference coaches bringing their best players and biggest lies.

After listening to everyone drone on and on--Stanford Coach Tyrone Willingham’s expression defines “drone”--a couple of trends emerged.

Every team has worked hard this summer. Every team has a good attitude. Every team has a great schedule.

Every team has totally blown off the Rose Bowl.

Why get bogged down in tradition when you are finally eligible to eat barrels of corn chips and wear dime-store sombreros at the new national championship game in Tempe, Ariz?

“In our locker room we have always put up two goals--to have every player graduate, and to win the Pac-10 and go to the Rose Bowl,” Arizona State Coach Bruce Snyder said. “Those are still our goals but . . . we want to play for the national championship.”

While nobody actually said they would turn down an invitation to the Rose Bowl, it was clear that until it hosts the title game in 2002, it will be treated as just another eccentric elderly relative.

One obvious winner Thursday was USC Coach Paul Hackett who, surrounded by astonished onlookers, said he would not rescind an earlier decision to suspend receiver R. Jay Soward because of academic deficiencies for the opener against Purdue.

Alumni and friends, your magic number is 25, that being the number of days left to persuade him otherwise.

Another obvious winner was Washington State Coach Mike Price who, lacking any ability to confidently discuss a team that lost roughly 24 of 22 starters, displayed a Rose Bowl watch and joked that it ran two seconds short.

Everything else here was subject to translation.

Mike Riley, Oregon State coach: “Within the walls of our facility, we have the spirit of learning, growing, developing.”

Translation: We don’t have a snowball’s chance.

Tom Holmoe, California coach: “Last year we were outmanned in a lot of games against programs a lot more solid than us.”

Translation: This is only my second year here, it was a mess when I took over, I’m doing my best, but, geez, I’m no miracle worker, OK?

Willingham: “We’re looking at this season with a little bit of uncertainty.”

Translation: Everything was going fine this summer until that little twit Chad Hutchinson decided to take baseball’s money and run. That was great, just great. It’s going to be a lot of fun trying to win without a quarterback. A real blast.

Troy Walters, Stanford receiver: “[Hutchinson] got a good contract. We’re happy for him as a person.”

Translation: I hope he chokes on his chaw.

Mike Bellotti, Oregon coach: “We still have a two-quarterback situation, it’s a great situation in that we have two guys who have proven they can play.”

Translation: We’re still in big trouble at quarterback. What, you think I would keep playing two guys if I had one who could do it all by himself? Like, because I have Akili Smith and Jason Maas, I’m better off than somebody who has just one quarterback named, I don’t know, Cade McNown? Gimme a break!

Hackett: “I’ve been received very well . . . because I’m undefeated.”

Translation: I know what this town is like. Look at my buddy John Robinson, hanging Christmas lights one day, strung up the next.

Hackett again: “[Robinson] and I are friends. We have spent time together. But all that stuff is in the past, and we move on.”

Translation: Ask me one more question about my buddy John Robinson and I’m stringing you up.

Snyder: “Ryan Kealy is our quarterback, no question. Is he Jake Plummer? He has a different style from Jake Plummer.”

Translation: The dude is no Jake Plummer. Let him show he’s tough enough to get us to the Rose Bowl--oops, Fiesta Bowl--then we’ll start talking Jake Plummer.

Snyder again: “If [running back J.R. Redmond] emerges as a Heisman candidate, it’s because he’s earned it.”

Translation: We’re not dumb enough to spend all kinds of money propping up a junior who still hasn’t proved himself over a full season, no matter what those cheap preseason magazines say.

Jim Lambright, Washington coach: “We have the fastest player ever at the University of Washington, either in track or football, Ja’Warren Hooker.”

Translation: We have this great receiver. Only thing we need to do is teach him how to catch.

Brock Huard, Washington quarterback: “We have a lot of attitude guys.”

Translation: With our other offensive stars gone, everyone around here finally does what I tell them.

Bob Toledo, UCLA coach: “I want to get the ball back in our hands as quickly as possible.”

Translation: To tell you the truth, I’m just a tad worried about our defense. Well, maybe more than a tad.

Toledo again: “We’ll probably play a little more zone defense than last year.”

Translation: OK, maybe I’m like, really, really worried.

Price: “We’re anxious to get started.”

Translation: We play winless-in-17-games Illinois, Boise State and Idaho. We should be 3-0 before going in the toilet.

Dick Tomey, Arizona coach: “I can’t wait to get started.”

Translation: Our first game is in Hawaii, fool.