LAUGH LINES

Happy Holidaze: “Now that Thanksgiving is over, millions of Americans look forward to that universal day of joy they will be celebrating next--the day the airline finds their luggage.” (Gary Easley)

At the Box Office: “A Bug’s Life” topped the attendance charts over the holiday weekend, earning $46.5 million. “No, the story is not a history of the Linda Tripp tapes.” (Premiere Radio)

Speaking of the Box Office: The No. 2 slot went to “The Rugrats Movie,” and “the stars of the film are already letting success get to their heads. In fact, now they’ll only poo-poo in 100% cloth diapers.” (Premiere)

And Before We Leave the Box Office Entirely: Jerry Springer’s film, “Ringmaster,” is in theaters. “Why would people go? I thought the whole idea of paying $8 to go to a movie was to get away from Jerry Springer for a few hours.” (Argus Hamilton)

From the Sports Desk: The NBA has announced cancellation of all December games. “Basketball players have been out of action for so long that Madonna’s been forced to date hockey players.” (Joshua Sostrin)

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The Essential David Letterman:

Top 10 Leftover Top 10 Items

10. I still know who you did last summer.

9. “That’s like buying a comb for Paul Shaffer.”

8. The Fleshy Bangladeshi.

7. Sally Jessy “The Body” Raphael.

6. “When you said, ‘Teletubbies,’ I thought you were referring to Roger Ebert and Al Roker.”

5. Monica Lewinsky inflating the Underdog balloon.

4. “Some joker told John Glenn the nearest supply of Viagra was on Mars.”

3. Your name is George Harrison (Oops, we’re sorry. That’s from Top 10 Signs You Were Subpoenaed by Ringo Starr).

2. Hillary Rodham Clinton.

1. “Saddam’s hiding missile parts in Garth Brooks’ hat.”

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.