Not-So Heads-Up Officials Keep Tailing Off

A review of Week 13 in the NFL, and: Looking for a part-time job, travel, all expenses paid? Qualifications: You must be indecisive, like lots of meetings and have been known to tell associates: “I just can’t seem to get anything right.” Meet those criteria and you too could be an NFL official.

Heads or Tails?

Heads, and off with all of them. With all of the football games played, from Pop Warner on up, this is the best they’ve got? “We were robbed,” said Buffalo safety Henry Jones in tipping off the NFL’s new marketing campaign: Tune in this week to see which team gets ripped off by the officials.

NFL owners don’t want to pay the money to make these guys full-time, but they will give millions to guys such as Trent Dilfer and Neil O’Donnell, who can’t seem to pass the ball to their own teammates. Future officials, no doubt.

Hail the Victors

Defensive lineman Chris Mims plays for the Chargers. Defensive back Darrien Gordon used to be employed by the Chargers, but now plays for the Denver Broncos. After Sunday night’s game between those teams, the Broncos and Chargers walked up different tunnels leading to their locker rooms.

Mims, out of uniform because he was listed as inactive for the game, waited at the top of the Broncos’ tunnel and hugged Gordon, rather than meeting his teammates down the hall and offering moral support.

Gordon, taking a sip of Mims’ beverage, said, “This is my house. I built it.”

No one had any idea what he was talking about.

Jack Murphy, the late San Diego Union sports editor, has been credited for getting what is now known as Qualcomm Stadium built, and no one can recall Gordon taking up residence in his “house.”

Hail the Victors, Part II

After his team had clinched the AFC West Division title Sunday, Denver linebacker Bill Romanowski said, “It means nothing to me. Our goal is to win the Super Bowl.”

Fool’s Gold

For those who think the Cowboys are back, a sobering fact: Dallas has not beaten a team with a winning record this season. The Cowboys will be fat and sassy before the playoffs because they will have padded their 8-4 record with four opponents down the stretch that have a combined record of 15-33.

Then they will get blasted in the playoffs.

Fool’s Gold, Part II

Remember when Warren Moon held out for more money in training camp?

Moon signed a two-year deal in August, reportedly worth $4.95 million, calling for a base salary of $220,000 this year and $2.4 million next year. He won’t get that $2.4 million, though, because the future now belongs to Jon Kitna, and Moon won’t be back in Seattle.

Moon’s contract also calls for a $2.25-million signing bonus. If he doesn’t play next year in Seattle he will have to repay half of it.

“He amazes me,” said Seattle Coach Dennis Erickson, and he wasn’t talking about Moon, but rather Kitna, who will keep Moon from reaching the 50,000-yard passing mark in his career.

Moon has 49,097 yards, and as long as Kitna’s playing, he’s holding at that figure.

Kitna was the difference in Seattle’s victory Sunday over Tennessee. With only 33 seconds left in the game, he moved his team into position to kick the winning field goal.

Moon? He watched.

Hail the Lucky

The Charger public relations department announced during the Bronco game that wide receiver Charlie Jones had just caught the 100th pass of his pro career.

Hail the Lucky, Part II

Some people were lucky to be there when Mark McGwire hit his 62nd home run. Some people can say they saw Babe Ruth point to the spot where he hit a home run. But how many people can say they were there the night Charles Dimry intercepted two passes in the same game?

Dimry played in 165 NFL games before intercepting two passes in the same game, but against John Elway and the Broncos, he had two in the same half. Years from now they’ll be telling stories of how Dimry pointed at Elway before making those interceptions.

Statistics to Ponder

Miami Coach Jimmy Johnson must have taken the holiday week off and allowed someone else to do Sunday’s game plan. Quarterback Dan Marino passed 13 times on first down. . . . On the same day Marino threw his 400th touchdown pass, Elway threw his 294th. . . . The leading rusher for the Saints in the last three games has been quarterback Kerry Collins. Good practice, in case he ever has to run from Coach Mike Ditka.

The Rams attracted a crowd of 47,971 to the 66,000-seat Trans World Dome, lost and fell to 3-9. Six years ago to the day, the Rams pulled a crowd of 54,831 to Anaheim Stadium, lost and dropped to 4-8. . . . Denver running back Terrell Davis will most likely be the NFL’s most valuable player, but in two games against the Chargers he averaged 71 yards rushing. The Charger defense hasn’t allowed a 100-yard rusher since Davis ran for 178 against them Nov. 30, 1997.

The opposition has had first and goal against the Philadelphia Eagle defense 19 times this season and has scored 19 touchdowns.

Finish the Thought

* “O.J. is an incredible player,” said Marino. Simpson? No, McDuffie.

* “Who cares about the extra point?” asked Buffalo Coach Wade Phillips while not sending his team out after New England went ahead on the final play of the game, 23-21.

The bettors.

If the Patriots had kicked the extra point, the game would have been a “push,” because bettors selecting New England had to give Buffalo three points. When Buffalo didn’t line up for the extra point, kicker Adam Vinatieri ran the ball in for two points. Buffalo bettors lost.

* “It happens to the best of them,” said St. Louis quarterback Tony Banks after being benched. Sure, but what’s that got to do with him?

* “There’s a lot of fight in this football team,” said Kansas City quarterback Rich Gannon. Isn’t that why linebacker Derrick Thomas got suspended?

* “We’re human beings,” said Kansas City linebacker Anthony Davis. Further revelations will be forthcoming.

* “Everybody wants him back, but we’ve got to play with what we have,” said Chicago Bear wide receiver Curtis Conway. How’s that for a ringing endorsement of backup quarterback Moses Moreno after learning Erik Kramer had been lost for the season because of a shoulder injury.

Hello, Anybody Home?

Philadelphia quarterback Koy Detmer, making his first NFL start, taunted the Packer sideline in Lambeau Field after directing the Eagles to two touchdowns and a 13-10 lead.

In the NFL, this is considered stupid.

“I was going ballistic because you don’t do that,” Philadelphia Coach Ray Rhodes said. “Don’t get them all riled up.”

Too late. Green Bay quarterback Brett Favre threw a 33-yard touchdown pass to Antonio Freeman and then mimicked Detmer’s antics for the Eagles.

“I was on their home turf and acting kind of like an idiot,” said Detmer, now 0-1 in his NFL career, but perhaps a little smarter.