Ditka Could Fill an Opinion Page All By Himself

Saint Coach Mike Ditka told the New Orleans Times-Picayune that its editorial “Da Coach is Da Whiner” didn’t really bother him because he doesn’t read the papers. He was told about it.

“You know the old saying, ‘Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me.’ I certainly live by that,” Ditka said.

“It was a phantom editorial. Sign your name to it, brother. It doesn’t take a lot of courage to sign your name to something, unless you’re really not sure about what you wrote.

“If I wrote anything that had any significance in our society, I’d put my name on it.”

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Trivia time: Which NFL franchises have recorded the most losses in postseason games?

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Worm shrugs it off: Chicago Bull rebounding star Dennis Rodman didn’t think too much of the Miami Heat’s recent 99-72 victory over his team, saying:

“We’ve got the rings; they ain’t got no rings. Today they beat us. It’s one of 82. It’s not a big deal. We’d be disappointed if we lost a seven-game series. Right now, this is nothing.”

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Found his niche: Indiana Pacer rookie Austin Croshere, the No. 12 pick in the draft, who is earning more than $1 million despite having hardly played: “I think I’m the highest paid baggage-handler in the world.”

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Owner’s edge: Harry Ornest, former owner of the St. Louis Blues and the Toronto Argonauts and current vice chairman of Hollywood Park, on the merits of sports ownership:

“If you own your own arena and you own the major tenant, it’s the next best thing to having sex, if you are having sex. If you’re not having sex, it’s the best thing.”

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First-aid guy: USA Today’s high school All-USA team includes a Texas running back named Ben Gay.

Comment from Tom FitzGerald of the San Francisco Chronicle: “Maybe he’ll ease the pain for the college coach who gets him.”

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Keeping it alive: According to Sports Illustrated, 25 years after his celebrated catch in the Pittsburgh Steelers’ playoff victory over the Oakland Raiders, Franco Harris is promoting a cellular phone service that promises “immaculate reception.”

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Looking back: On this day in 1987, the Denver Broncos defeated the Cleveland Browns, 23-20, in sudden death to win the AFC championship.

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Trivia answer: The Rams (of Cleveland and Los Angeles), and Minnesota Vikings, 20 each.

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And finally: Al Franken, promoter of the Los Angeles Invitational indoor track and field meet Feb. 7 at the Sports Arena, received a surprising call recently.

“Are you going to have the javelin this year?” the caller asked.

If that event were held indoors, spectators would be advised to be very alert.