Here’s the Inside Scoop on Address to the Haggis

Scots Wha’ Haggis: Lovers of haggis will be in luck the weekend of Feb. 14, when the fifth annual Scottish Festival takes place aboard the Queen Mary. The two-day event includes parades, country dancing and pipe band competitions, but the centerpiece for foodies will be the Address to the Haggis, 10:45 a.m. each day. A haggis (this particular version of the noble Scottish pudding of sheep’s entrails and oatmeal cooked in a sheep’s stomach has been Americanized to conform with FDA regulations) will be carried into the exhibit hall on a tray to the skirling of bagpipes, followed by a ceremonial reading of Robert Burns’ “Address to the Haggis” in praise of the “great chieftain o’ the puddin-race.” Then slices will be passed around for all to taste.

Haggis haters needn’t worry. There’ll also be plenty of other British Isles foods, such as pasties, meat pies and bangers, as well as Scottish ales. The event runs from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Feb. 14 and 15. A one-day pass is $10 in advance, $12 at the door; there will be discounts for seniors, children and those with military ID. Hotel rooms, festival tickets and weekend brunch packages are available.

* The Queen Mary, 1126 Queens Highway, Long Beach; (562) 435-3511.

Food and Film: You can’t bring food into Laemmle’s Monica Theatre in Santa Monica, but if you’re taking part in the upcoming Australian Food and Film Festival, you can go out for a three-course Asian dinner afterward. (Asian? Well, they’re into Asian food in Australia and, anyway, Santa Monica doesn’t have many Australian restaurants.) The screenings take place on three consecutive Tuesday nights: on Tuesday the movie is “The Castle” and the restaurant is Zenzero; on Feb. 10, it’s “Doing Time for Patsy Cline” and Typhoon; on Feb. 17, it’s “Lilian’s Story” and Chinois on Main. The $75 price for each event includes the dinner and drinks. Each event begins promptly at 7 p.m. at Laemmle’s Monica Theatre, 1332 2nd St., Santa Monica. Call (888) ETM-TIXS--that’s (888) 386-8497--for tickets.

Hangin’ at the Crustacean: On Valentine’s Day, publicist Michael Levine is debuting his Living Room Lounge concept in Crustacean Restaurant’s front room. Why a Living Room Lounge? “Los Angeles is a city in need of a living room,” says Levine. The idea, as we gather it: You wander in (no reservations needed); hang out on the couches, at the bar or at a small table; order some cocktails and some Asian tapas; enjoy live music; and flirt like mad with fellow living-room loungers. The Lounge will be the concept at Crustacean every Friday and Saturday night from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. On Valentine’s Day, Crustacean’s “lovers’ ” prix-fixe menu (in which you share every course with your date) will be served until 11:30 p.m. The tab is $120 per couple.

* Crustacean, 9646 Little Santa Monica Blvd., Beverly Hills; (310) 205-8990.

I (Heart) You: If you want to eat heart-shaped food on Valentine’s Day, you’re certainly in luck. A number of restaurants and shops will be whipping up cute comestibles: heart-shaped ravioli, heart-shaped desserts, even heart-shaped bagels. Emi is serving heart-shaped Dungeness crab ravioli as part of its five-course Valentine dinner. The $48-a-person price includes an autographed copy of “Elegantly Easy Creme Bru^lee” by Deborah Puente. The cover of the book features chef Enrico Glaudo’s goat cheese creme bru^lee, which also happens to be the dessert for the night. Emi, 6602 Melrose Ave., L.A., (213) 935-4922. . . . In West Hollywood, Lola’s is offering heart-shaped ravioli (chicken and vegetable stuffing) in vodka sauce as an a la carte special. You can also order the French Kiss martini, which will debut that night. Lola’s, 945 N. Fairfax Ave., West Hollywood; (213) 736-5652. . . . Chris Michael’s Restaurant in the Pacific Design Center has a special Valentine’s Day menu that includes not only “aphrodisiac appetizers” but also strawberry cream hearts for dessert. Chris Michael’s Restaurant, 8687 Melrose Ave., West Hollywood; (310) 360-7755. . . . All L.A. County locations of Noah’s Bagels are offering bagels (any flavor) in a heart shape if you order them in advance. Also available Feb. 8-14 are two lovable flavors: chocolate chip and cranberry orange. Call (800) 931-6624--that’s (800) 931-NOAH--for a location near you.

OK, They’re Not Heart-Shaped, but They Have Cupids on Them: Boxer Restaurant in L.A. is including cupid boxer shorts with its own three-course Valentine dinner. It’s $90 a couple, and the price includes both his and hers shorts. Presumably the staff will guess your size as they follow you to your table.

* Boxer, 7615 W. Beverly Blvd., L.A.; (213) 932-6178.