The One-Minute Marriage Manual

You may recall that actress Robin Givens and her most recent husband broke up after seven minutes, apparently setting a record for all-time shortest marriage, celebrity division. (In response to one reader’s question, no, I don’t have any details on what transpired during those seven minutes.)

Anyway, in the noncelebrity competition, Mart Susi recalls an even shorter union. Susi, a Southland family law specialist, was once visited by a man with “a strange tale to tell. It seems that he, a shy doctor of Middle Eastern descent, met a beautiful girl of a similar background. She swept him off his feet and soon they were altar-bound.”

No sooner had they pronounced their vows than “several of the bride’s large brothers approached, and before the hapless groom could even kiss his beloved, she was hustled off to a waiting car, never to be seen again--at least, not by the groom.”

The hubby was warned not to seek out the missus. But he went to Susi, who told him the wedding was obviously staged so the bride “could gain the immigrant status she wanted.” Susi filed for divorce on his behalf.

“Where the form asks for the length of marriage,” he said, “I put in ‘one minute.’ I bet the court clerk got a good laugh about that.”

DON’T ARGUE WITH THE HIRED HELP: Richard Dowdy of Carlsbad came across a salon where every day seems to be a bad hair day (see photo). Talk about being under pressure to leave a big tip!

NO-WHINNY SITUATION: I’ve heard the sincerity of Hollywood types being questioned but never that of a horse until I saw an ad sent to me by Janice Johnson, Judy Knobel and several other readers (see excerpt). Then, again, I do remember hearing that Trigger had a big head.

L.A. TRIVIATA: Some tidbits from the encyclopedia, “Los Angeles A to Z,” written by Leonard and Dale Pitt:

* The Spanish literary myth of Queen Califa holds that “the first rulers of California were Amazon women who tolerated men for purposes of procreation only.”

* The city of Walnut was previously known as Lemon.

* While in L.A. for a performance at the Orpheum Theater, actress Sarah Bernhardt was involved in a 1915 automobile accident that led to the amputation of her leg.

* After winning a gold medal at the 1932 Olympics in L.A., Italian distance runner Luigi Beccali “drank champagne with his party in defiance of Prohibition laws. (He later entered the wine business in New York.)”

* Inglewood called itself the Chinchilla Capital of the World until the industry collapsed prior to World War II.

* When experimental TV station W6XAO (now KCBS-TV, Channel 2) went on the air in 1931, there were a total of five TV sets in L.A.

The encyclopedia doesn’t say but I’ll bet that the Nielsen people interviewed only one of the five owners in compiling their ratings.

TODAY IN HISTORY: This is the 65th anniversary of the disastrous Long Beach earthquake. Then as now people used humor to cope with catastrophes. Joe Herman still remembers the laughs that greeted a sign that was posted on one damaged building in South Gate: “Barber shop temporarily closed, but will shave you in the rear.”

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Sue Semple saw a help wanted ad in a Palm Springs newspaper for a “conscience” installer. Semple asked: “Could that be a solution to the ethics problem in our nation’s capital?” Maybe. Or put Queen Califa in charge.