Speaker Can’t Be Accused of Disturbing Peace

You know how visiting celebrities make demands. The rock group Van Halen, for example, was famous for demanding bowls of M&Ms; in the dressing room--with all the brown ones removed. Well, it was no different for Vice President Al Gore’s arrival in the Southland this week. His staff requested that Gore’s Los Angeles Police Department hosts have plenty of tea and Pepsi on hand.

Critics familiar with Gore’s speaking style would agree that he needs caffeine. Lots of caffeine.

WITH BARGAINS LIKE THESE . . . : Bart Everett of West L.A. found a Web site that was titled “Best-Priced Trips” and listed a round-trip flight between L.A. and Phoenix that cost more than $2,000 (see accompanying). At first I thought it must be aboard the Concorde. But it’s a Continental flight. Best-priced trip? I’m not an experienced traveler, but I have to think I could find a Southwest Airlines flight between here and Phoenix for under $1,500.

SUPPORTING HIS LOCAL POLICE: Cops always appreciate it when a suspect makes their job easier. Two Valley LAPD officers noticed a driver who wasn’t wearing a seat belt. They ran a check on the car with their mobile terminal and, while waiting for a response, quietly followed behind, according to the LAPD union newspaper, the Thin Blue Line. Suddenly, the driver came to a stop, placed both hands out the window and shouted, “Don’t shoot!” The officers ordered him out of the car and detained him. Finally, a response arrived on their terminal. The car was stolen.

MARINA DEL REY CONFIDENTIAL? Warren Girard snapped a shot of a sign that made reference to a heretofore unknown law enforcement agency--the “Marina del Rey Police Department” (see photo). I always thought Marina del Rey was part of L.A., or at least L.A. County. (Don’t tell me we’ve got another breakaway community on our hands!)

SELF-ESTEEM PROBLEM: Hovering above the site of the Laguna Niguel landslide shortly after dawn Thursday, KTLA’s traffic reporter Jennifer York informed her viewers, “I can’t see any people down there--just some news crews.”

MURDOCH BLUE: As was reported, the Atlanta Braves’ Ted Turner made an impassioned but unsuccessful appeal to other baseball owners to reject the bid of archenemy Rupert Murdoch to take over the Dodgers. While transcripts of his remarks were not available, I understand that the outspoken Turner warned the owners that Murdoch:

* Does a lousy tomahawk chop.

* Modeled Homer Simpson after Yankee owner George Steinbrenner.

* Submitted documents to major league baseball that were actually scripts from “The X-Files.”

* Would attempt to introduce Australian-rules baseball.

* Turned down Jane Fonda to star in TV’s “Ally McBeal.”

* Would rename the team the Murdodgers.

And, finally, Turner warned the owners to get ready for this pregame announcement at Dodger Stadium, “Ladies and gentleman, please rise for our national anthem, ‘Waltzing Matilda.’ ”

miscelLAny:

Jack and Lelo Carter of Beverly Hills phoned to say that they were the residents who set out the sign saying, “No Parking While the Tulips Are in Bloom.” They also noted that the request was strictly obeyed until the day a photo of the sign ran in Only in L.A. Those darn media.