It’s Hotter Than Heck but Not . . .

With temperatures seemingly other-worldly, the marquee on the Long Beach Church of Christ carried this message Wednesday:

“So you think it’s hot now?”

MORE FOOD FOR THOUGHT: This week’s Only in L.A. Dining Guide (see accompanying) includes “Chiropractic Spaghetti,” which Cary Baker found in Encino. (What’s the secret of keeping the strands of pasta aligned?) Then there’s “Gulp” of Siam soup, which Cliff Lawson came across in a Wilshire Boulevard restaurant, leading him to ask, “Do you think this is the Thai version of fast food?” Finally, L. Paul Cook snapped a photo of a Topanga sign that seemed to be a warning to diners, though he couldn’t find a restaurant in the vicinity.

A PLAGUE OF BOO-BOOS: The other day, I published a schoolteacher’s list of her pupils’ most spectacular errors, including the “Blue Bonnet Pledge,” the disease that wiped out much of Europe during the Middle Ages.

This brought a letter from Doreen Lorand, who wrote: “As a teacher for 29 years I have seen many such errors as the Blue Bonnet Pledge.” And she enumerated some memorable goofs by her high school students, including:

* The form of death known as “Youth in Asia.”

* The highest level of achievement for a journalist, the “Pullet Surprise.”

* The place of worship famous for its paintings by Michelangelo, the “Sixteenth Chapel.”

And, finally, Disneyland’s archrival: “Knocks Very Farm.”

YOU SEE L.A.: Even more secret UCLA branches are being brought to my attention.

Paul Blumstein of Rancho Palos Verdes says, “Students at Denver’s largest university call it UCLA--University of Colorado between Larrimore and Arapahoe.”

Michael Friedman of Valley Village adds, “A number of years ago I was in Arnold, Md., at Anne Arundel Community College. In the student store, they had shirts on sale for the “Upper College of Lower Arnold--UCLA.”

And, finally, JoAnne Fink of Sherman Oaks writes: “You forgot the most obvious UCLA of all--the University at the Corner of LeConte Avenue.” That one’s in upper Westwood, I think.

L.A. GOES UNDER: The USS Los Angeles, a 22-year-old nuclear submarine, is pretty much of a stranger to the City of Angels since its home port is Honolulu. But the other day it docked in San Diego on its way back to the islands. And L.A. mayoral aide Tom LaBonge was there to present the sub with L.A.’s official city seal. (By seal, I mean the design, not the marine mammal.)

This is an honor that was not afforded the three previous Navy vessels that bore the Los Angeles name, an oil tanker during World War I, a Zeppelin air ship in the 1920s and a cruiser after World War II. (All were decommissioned intact, by the way.)

Cmdr. Thomas Rubenstein, the sub’s skipper, had a crewman affix the seal to the vessel. How? The back cover was removed and the adhesive side was pressed against the vessel. Simple, though not necessarily permanent. The commander said that the seal “might come off between here and Honolulu, but no one would know because the sub would be underwater,” LaBonge reported.

Oh, well. Few things associated with L.A. are permanent.

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The Century City Shopping Center, whose ads emphasize that the mall is outdoors, has one billboard that features an electronic thermometer next to the words, “Room Temperature.” A clever idea--as long as the weather stays balmy. But when I drove by that billboard on Tuesday, “Room Temperature” was 93 degrees. Not exactly an invitation to go shopping there. Then, again, I doubt business was brisk at Knocks Very Farm, either.

Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.