More Jordan Rumors Than Clipper Wins

Skip Bayless in the Chicago Tribune on speculation that Michael Jordan will return to the NBA as a player:

“Michael is here. No, there. Doing this. No, that.

“Sources close to Michael Jordan say he will. Won’t. Might. Might not. Believe only those two tips from Jordan confidants. Michael is bored and misses the spotlight . . .

“Sometimes in the same day, Jordan will be ‘spotted’ having breakfast in L.A. with Laker owner Jerry Buss, lunch in Charlotte with Hornet owner George Shinn and dinner in Nassau with Elvis.

“Listen closely and you can hear Michael chuckling.”

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Trivia time: What is golfer David Duval’s best finish in a major?

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Winner and loser: Bob Smizik in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, grading Tony Kornheiser and Jim Rome on ESPN radio:

“Among the many differences between Kornheiser and Rome, this one should be noted: Kornheiser speaks English; Rome speaks a derivation of the language and frequently is incomprehensible.”

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High anxiety: The Denver Nuggets nearly blew a 29-point lead before holding on to beat Seattle recently.

“If we had lost after having that lead,” Nugget Coach Mike D’Antoni said, “I’d have been up on a ledge somewhere and no one would have been able to talk me down.”

Retorted General Manager Dan Issel, “If we had lost that game, nobody would have tried to talk you down.”

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Castigating Castro: From David Letterman’s “Top 10 Fidel Castro Baseball Jeers”:

“Years of indoor plumbing have made Americans soft and weak. . . . The ump needs glasses--inform him that it’s a three-year wait. . . . I’m not paying you $6 a year to strike out.”

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End result: Washington Wizard Coach Bernie Bickerstaff after his team had routed Cleveland, 113-83: “Sometimes you’re the pigeon and sometimes you’re the statue.”

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Some level: Terry Pluto of the Akron (Ohio) Beacon Journal in an interview with New York Yankee General Manager Brian Cashman:

“What does Roger Clemens do for the Yankees?”

Cashman: “Hopefully, he moves us up to the next level.”

Pluto: “The next level? Mars? Going 162-0?”

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The bat patrol: Ecology-minded greenskeepers at Lochmoore Club golf course in Grosse Point Hills, Mich., cut down on mosquitoes and other bugs by building bat houses that attracted a dozen active bat colonies.

The Wall Street Journal reports the bats gobble up the bugs by night and disappear by the earliest tee times.

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Trivia answer: A tie for second in the 1998 Masters.

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And finally: Larry Guest in the Orlando Sentinel: “Year of the Doughnut: Do we have a trend forming here? First, a lovable blob known as ‘Lumpy’ on the PGA Tour wins at Bay Hill.

“Then a fleshy human bowling ball of a point guard guides UConn to the college hoops title. I’m picking Craig Stadler and Colin Montgomerie in my Masters pool.”