Where’s a Detroit Cop WHen You Need One?

Newton Division police officers arrested two women who were inebriated and fighting in an L.A. hotel lobby--but not before one of the battlers made a unique claim of diplomatic immunity.

“You don’t tell me what to do,” she said to the cops. “I’m from Detroit.”

THANKS FOR NOTHING! I don’t claim to be a marketing expert. But I do feel that TV Guide should reconsider the advertising ploy it tried on L. Miller-Auston of L.A. (see accompanying).

ILLEGAL PARKING CAN BE SUCH STREET SORROW: Writer Jack Murphy of San Bernardino came upon a restaurant-mini-mart owner who takes an aggressive law and order approach toward his customers (see photo).

THIS JUST IN: The Los Alamitos News-Enterprise’s police log included a resident’s strange report of a “dog pushing motorcycle” in traffic. Sounds like the dog I once saw on “That’s Incredible.”

THE DAY THE WORLD CRASHED: You might think it odd that I would see a link between the recent discovery of a new solar system and my junior high school reunion. It’s sad but true.

Palms Middle School in West L.A.--formerly Palms Junior High--is holding an all-class gathering June 6 to celebrate its 50th anniversary. And the convergence of these two events unearthed memories of my disastrous eighth-grade science project. It was a model of the solar system, with the planets represented by rubber balls glued to pasteboard.

I had science in the afternoon, so before school started, I deposited the project in the back of the classroom. I hadn’t used enough glue, however, and the planets soon began free-falling onto the floor. Worse, I learned that some kids took to playing catch with my planets in the morning classes. At lunchtime, I retrieved what was left of my solar system and took it home.

Still, I plan to attend the reunion. And whoever kept Neptune, I’m willing to take it back, no questions asked.

COULD BE A LAKERS FASHION CRISIS: Perhaps the Lakers haven’t heard the last of spacey Dennis Rodman, after all.

Jeanie Buss, the daughter of Laker owner Jerry Buss, acknowledged to Doug Krikorian of the Long Beach Press-Telegram that she and Rodman have gone out to dine together a couple of times, though she says they are just friends.

She also said her father “loves Dennis,” which prompted the mischievous Krikorian to add, “If the heiress of the Laker franchise winds up having similar feelings, it’s not that far-fetched to envision Dennis Rodman, of all people, one day being involved in the ownership of the Laker team.”

Wonder if Rodman would have the Lakers wearing different outfits?

WORST TIP OF THE WEEK: A San Diego Freeway billboard pitching a brand of whiskey declares, “Most travelers get to the airport one hour early. Most planes leave 28 minutes late. What’s the rush?”

Great idea! Have a couple of drinks and take your time traveling to always crowded Los Angeles International Airport. What planet is that ad writer from?

miscelLAny:

In case you’re wondering, the restaurant at the Aquarium of the Pacific in Long Beach has no fish dishes.

Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.