LAUGH LINES

Indigestion: Republican leaders in the House have abandoned plans to overhaul the Social Security system until after the next election. “They decided their idea to replace monthly checks with Early Bird Dinner vouchers at Denny’s probably wouldn’t sit well with voters.” (Bob Mills)

Bail Faster: The NFL has decided that if Los Angeles is going to get a pro football team, it will play its games at the Los Angeles Coliseum. “They decided the Coliseum would be the best choice because the area has the biggest variety of bail bondsmen for the players to choose from.” (Ira Lawson)

Mental Health Milestone: This year marks the 20th anniversary of the Sony Walkman portable stereo. “Up until then, the people who walked around singing to themselves all the time were called ‘crazy.’ ” (Lawson)

Out of Order: The night manager at a Burger King in Marin County was arrested for selling cocaine out of the drive-thru. “Apparently, he got caught when he served a cop coke instead of Pepsi.” (Andrew Wisot)

On the Safe Side: Unabomber Theodore Kaczynski plans to file a habeas corpus action asking that his guilty plea be set aside. “Taking no chances, clerks will immediately place it into a bucket of water.” (Mills)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.