Here’s Needed Advice for Upside-Down NFL

The high points, low points and ticklish talking points of the weekend that was:

Remember when Steve Young used to play and Dan Marino used to throw to his own players?

Remember when the Packers never lost at Lambeau Field--and especially not to Carolina! and especially, especially not in December!--and the Indianapolis Colts’ only crucial positioning was for the right to screw up on higher draft picks?

“The Indianapolis Colts, now that’s a fun team to watch,” John Madden exclaimed Sunday.

Problem was, he--and his viewers--were watching the Buccaneers and the Lions at the time, Shaun King vs. Gus Frerotte, who were not at all fun until the last quarter or so, which is about as good as it gets in the NFL these days.

So we will all have to adjust, and find new reasons to care about December football. After sorting through another silly Sunday, some suggestions:

* Can King, a fascinating, if hardly prototype rookie quarterback, be the man to make Tampa a dangerous team in the postseason? He’s quirky, and watching him is unnerving. But he’s 2-0 as a starter and already has made more crucial plays, and fewer dumb throws, than Trent Dilfer ever will.

* Are the Colts, who won their ninth in a row, ready to start a big run? With Peyton Manning, Edgerrin James, Marvin Harrison and an active defense, their sudden rise is reminiscent of the 1981 San Francisco 49ers, who plugged in a young quarterback named Joe Montana and won a game or two in the ensuing seasons.

* Is Titan defender Jevon Kearse, the most exciting new defensive player possibly since Deion Sanders, the NFL reincarnation of Lawrence Taylor, Charles Haley or some electrifying mix of both?

* Will Barry Sanders be back next season, and if he is, what team will be desperate enough to ruin its salary-cap situation to get him?

* If this is goodbye for Marino, Young, Michael Irvin and Jerry Rice, how will the league get along without them?

THE BIG PICTURE

This is where we’re at with Pete Rose, and of course nobody’s budging:

Major league baseball wants a heartstrings “Oprah” moment out of Rose, and Rose is a shout-you-down, “Jerry Springer” kind of man.

Before it will ever consider reinstating him, baseball wants tears in his eyes and an apology in his heart for gambling on games, cue the soft music, and can we get a hugging scene in here somewhere?

Jim Gray wanted it bad.

But that’s not how Rose is going to play this, and it’s not how he ever has played anything. He’s a hustler (which worked on the baseball field, but hardly anywhere else), a frequent pain in the posterior, and a gambler.

He does not apologize, and he does not understand that declaring that he wants to be a manager so he can “earn a seven-figure salary” is not the most endearing reason to support his cause.

But it has been 10 years. So he hasn’t come crawling. So he clings to the same explanation--nobody proved he gambled, Bart Giamatti even signed something that said it.

Being mad at him--and protecting the legacy of Giamatti--no longer explains keeping Pete Rose out of baseball and out of the Hall of Fame, not when Albert Belle is earning $11 million a year, when Bobby Bonilla is still gainfully employed, and when George Steinbrenner is rolling in the millions and lauded as a model owner.

Everybody else has moved on. This issue, boiling since the first George Bush administration, should be part of the past.

WEEKEND TALKING POINTS

1. Gonzaga 59, UCLA 43: Hmmm, it probably isn’t a good sign that the unidentifiable Bruin offense (high post? motion? high-motion? motion-sickness?) got more and more disorganized after each timeout.

2. UCLA scheduling: Fairfield, Iona, Morgan State . . . Sure, Wooden’s 1968 team would’ve struggled some with that opening salvo. Of course, they’re all over 50 now.

3. Mike Tyson’s pets: Las Vegas authorities found one ferret dead, one ferret sick, and the other rodent flourishing as his new promoter.

4. Clippers’ nine-game losing streak: Time is ticking on Chris Ford. So who’s up next? P.J. Carlesimo after Warriors dump him? John Calipari? Kurt Rambis?

5. NBA brings back slam-dunk contest: Kobe Bryant will win, and critics will complain he didn’t involve his teammates enough.

6. Reds bow out of Griffey sweepstakes: I’m not saying General Manager Jim Bowden’s bluffing on deal that could make this marquee franchise of next decade, but he won’t pull the trigger on . . . Pokey Reese?

7. Ron Dayne wins Heisman: Trophy-winning campaign was like his typical game--he kept going and going and by the end he wore everybody else out.

8. Ismael Valdes and Eric Young, in cost-cutting move, Chicago-bound: Yes, these are trying times for small-market teams like Dodgers.

9. Charles Barkley’s forced retirement: Sad to see, but now he can make the most important career choice of his life. Should he be Jesse Ventura’s running mate or Jay Leno’s replacement?

10. International Olympic Committee reform: Great strides! Bribes now limited to cash, caviar and jewelry.

LEADING QUESTIONS

What NBA team has, at different times this year, almost traded a future Hall of Famer, traded another, watched yet a third go down with a career-ending injury, and revamped its roster around an attitude-heavy, incredibly talented 21-year-old rookie?

Can you imagine what it has been like to be a Rocket executive?

Now that Charles Barkley is gone from Houston and Hakeem Olajuwon is sidelined, do you think the team regrets not trading Olajuwon to Toronto before the draft for several top picks, which could have netted them Jonathan Bender or Wally Szczerbiak?

Do you think Scottie Pippen would have been sent to Portland if anybody knew his nemesis Barkley wouldn’t make it to January?

Steve Francis, Pippen, Szczerbiak, Shandon Anderson . . . Does Rudy Tomjanovich see that lineup in his dreams, or nightmares?