Between Them, They Balanced the NBA Ticket

“Through the ‘80s and ‘90s, in political terms, Michael Jordan was Slick Willie, good-looking, and well-coiffed, skating around the tough issues, dancing away from controversy while always finding a way to win jewelry and the popular vote.”

So wrote Fran Blinebury in the Houston Chronicle.

OK, but then who, in political terms, was Charles Barkley?

“Barkley at the same time, was a slam-dunking equivalent of Ross Perot, perhaps crazy as a loon and always locked out of the ultimate prize, but with so many of his own singular opinions and never encumbered by a P.R. man’s need to cover up warts.”

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Trivia time: What is the highest score made by a Hall of Fame golfer on a par-three hole in tournament play?

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Suggestions, please: When Binghamton University in New York began its search for a new nickname, it decided that the name had to be “gender-neutral, non-offensive, powerful, aggressive, dignified and marketable.”

“So I guess ‘Big Hairy Chicks on Crack’ had no chance,” wrote the Washington Post’s Tony Kornheiser, a Binghamton graduate.

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Foot in mouth: The name Binghamton eventually settled on to replace Colonials was Bearcats, which Kornheiser blasted as being a straight theft from the University of Cincinnati.

“Let’s face it, stealing from Cincinnati is about as desperate as it gets,” he said. “I mean, what a dump. If Binghamton is the way your foot smells, Cincinnati is the way your foot tastes.”

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To have and to hold: The New Orleans Saints are 2-11 going into today’s game against the Ravens in Baltimore, but the haplessness of Coach Mike Ditka’s team doesn’t surprise the Chicago Tribune’s Bernie Lincicome.

“No one seriously believed Ditka could coach, did they?” he wrote. “I mean, expecting that is like depending on the bartender to save your marriage.”

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The skinny on Finley: Asked about his age and fitness at a Cleveland news conference after he’d been signed by the Indians, Chuck Finley, 37, has a quick retort.

“I would strip down buck naked and let you take a look at me right now,” he said.

Uh, thanks, but another time perhaps.

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Keep an eye on his hands: Newly appointed U.S. Davis Cup captain John McEnroe says having Andre Agassi and Pete Sampras on his team makes the job an easy one.

“I can sit with my hands under my pants and watch them win the Davis Cup,” McEnroe said.

Another charming image.

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Trivia answer: An 11, by none other than Ben Hogan in the 1946 Jacksonville Open.

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And finally: Greg Blache, the Chicago Bears’ defensive coordinator and an avid hunter, gives his players bullets for big plays, such as sacks or solid tackles.

Considering the Bears’ record, spent cartridges would seem a better choice.