Romance in Shadow

This is the day for lovers--but maybe not for you. No flowers, no chocolates, not even a phone call. It’s tough to be a loser on a day made for winners in the game of love. If you wonder what went wrong, you could blame your shadow, according to author and Jungian analyst Connie Zweig, PhD.

“Valentine’s Day reminds us of the sweet, romantic potential of our marriages and partnerships. This romantic fantasy is often shattered when we meet the shadow,” said Zweig, co-author of “Romancing the Shadow: A Guide to Soul Work for a Vital, Authentic Life.” The shadow is that part of us that holds all the forbidden and unacceptable feelings of childhood.

“As we grow up and learn what’s permissible and what’s not, these thoughts and feelings begin to erupt in sabotaging behavior,” she said.

For example, recurring fights, slips of the tongue, procrastination, addictions--in other words, behavior that won’t earn you a chocolate heart on Valentine’s Day.

Zweig teaches how to identify the shadow and how to romance it--work with it directly so it doesn’t sabotage you indirectly. Otherwise, repetitive behavior that hurts relationships keeps erupting. She will discuss this at a book-signing March 3 at Borders, but this is an early reminder--in case Valentine’s Day hasn’t lived up to your fantasies. Make a note on your calendar now. She can be reached by e-mail at czweig@aol.com or at her office at (818) 348-2348.

For another look at love and intimacy, check out “Art of Staying Together: Embracing Love, Intimacy and Spirit” (Putnam Publishers), edited by Mark Waldman. A collection of current articles and essays on contemporary love, the contributors include authors as diverse as Deepak Chopra, Judith Viorst, Thomas Moore and Robin Norwood. The chapter titles run the gamut from “Can Harry and Sally Ever be Friends?” and “The Cuddle Chemical” to the more aesthetic approach of “Sexuality, Religion and the Tantric Spirit.”

Still, until the mystery of love is solved, chocolates are a great diversion.

*

On Another Note: If the luster has been lost from the love affair Californians allegedly have with their automobiles, it’s probably the frustrating freeway congestion and confusing offramps that dump you miles from where you want to end up that’s hardened hearts. If you’re ready for another way, how about public transportation?

Before laughing hysterically, consider author Edward J. Simburger’s guidebook “Railroad--Freeway,” a 360-page volume that offers a complete, detailed description of all the rail rapid transit systems operating in five Southern California counties--Los Angeles, Orange, Riverside, San Bernardino and Ventura. It links the freeways, highlighting the history of each community, along with tourist attractions, train schedules, bus connections, maps and photographs.

A Conejo Valley resident, familiar with the frustrations of commuting, Simburger decided his previous book, “A Complete Guide to the Los Angeles Metrolink Commuter Train System” didn’t quite meet the needs of tourists who longed for up-to-date information about Southern California’s attractions and how to get to them by using both freeways and public transportation. So he wrote this one and will appear for a discussion and book-signing Saturday at 2 p.m. at Ventura Barnes & Nobles, 4360 E. Main St. (339-9170).

*

More Happenings: Another mixed bag of goodies--from past lives to aliens to music that heals.

Tonight at 7, special Valentine’s night featuring Carol Chapman with torch songs of the ‘30s and ‘40s. In the cafe at Borders, 125 W. Thousand Oaks Blvd., Thousand Oaks, (497-8159).

Monday at 7:30 p.m., book-signing: Marilyn Sunderman, author of “Past Lives, Present Joys,” portrays a soul’s journey from lifetime to lifetime, with messages, she said, “from the other side.” At Barnes & Noble, 160 S. Westlake Blvd., Thousand Oaks (446-2820).

Wednesday at 7 p.m., Dr. Gail Wyatt, author of “Stolen Women: Reclaiming Our Sexuality, Taking Back Our Lives,” discusses and signs her book. An expert on black female sexuality, she is professor of psychiatry and biobehavioral science at UCLA. At Borders, 125 W. Thousand Oaks Blvd., Thousand Oaks. (497-8159).

Saturday at 10 a.m., author John Reitano signs “What If the Zebras Lost Their Stripes?” Illustrator William Haines displays original sketches to demonstrate how the illustrations were created. At Barnes & Nobles, Thousand Oaks. (446-2820).

Saturday at 3 p.m., Dr. Roger K. Leir discusses and signs his new book, “The Aliens and the Scalpel: Scientific Proof of Extraterrestrial Implants in Humans” (Granite Publishing). A podiatric physician and surgeon, Leir is a member of Mutual UFO Network and has served as an investigative reporter. At Thousand Oaks’ Borders (497-8159).

Saturday at 7 p.m., “The Healing Power of Music,” with Steven Halpern, composer/recording artist/educator, at Borders in Thousand Oaks (497-8159). His music has been featured in John Bradshaw’s PBS-TV series “Homecoming” and “Creating Love.” Discussion, question-and-answer session and signing of his new CD, “The Sacred Chorde.”

*

Catch you next week.

* Information about book-signings, writers groups or publishing events can be faxed to Ann Shields at 647-5649 or e-mailed to anns40@aol.com.