It’s a Lean Cuisine

Politicians like to boast about how good they are at cutting the fat in government bureaucracy.

Too bad they can’t cut some of the fat of those government burgers.

Greasy hamburgers are a common denominator at cafeterias in government office buildings across Los Angeles, according to an informal, unscientific comparison of lunchrooms by The Times.

And why not? Burgers are quick to cook and fast to eat--perfect for civil servants who claim they have little time for lunch and for plain citizens with little inclination to spend any more time than necessary in a government building.

But the lowly government cafeteria often serves up some surprises along with heartburn. Like white tablecloths. Or patio dining that can rival that of the trendiest La Cienega Boulevard bistro. Or a million-dollar skyline view you can’t get elsewhere at any price.

For quality control purposes, I set out to order the same burger-and-fries combination at every stop for my taste test. But that idea quickly turned out to be too gut-wrenching.

*

The Department of Water and Power cafeteria looked promising.

The DWP building crowns Bunker Hill in the downtown Civic Center. The cafeteria’s five serving counters offer an impressive selection of sandwiches and entrees. Prices are cheap: Hamburgers are $1.90. A cheeseburger, $2.10. A grilled cheese sandwich, $1.65.

I chose a Mongolian beef stir-fry special. The cook manning the three woks (electric, naturally) nodded. But when he handed me my plate, it contained chicken.

I wasn’t pleased. But the woman ahead of me in line was. “Your heart will thank you,” she lectured.

My chicken stir-fry and Coke came to $5.74.

There was plenty of space to sit in the huge, carpeted dining room. The tables were decorated with artificial flowers, and the view past an outdoor patio was of nearby downtown high-rises.

My stir-fry had very little taste, however. Poking through the limp vegetables and rice, I discovered there was very little chicken too. I gave up without eating much. My stomach will thank me, I figured.

*

You experience the ambience of Room B5 long before you get there. You sense it all the way through the basement of the Los Angeles County Hall of Administration.

Room B5 is the cafeteria; its atmosphere is one of a thick, smoky odor accented by harsh fluorescent office lighting, noisy terrazzo floors and plastic potted palms.

The place makes you wish that the term “fast food” meant a quick getaway. Everyone forms five slow-moving, bank-teller-style lines leading to the lone serving counter for sandwiches, grilled items, Asian-style food and combo plates.

Hamburgers are $1.75, grilled cheese sandwiches $2.20. My $3.50 club sandwich tasted dry and bland. My medium Pepsi was also bland: The soda machine was low on syrup.

The dining room seemed full of jurors and others lingering over newspapers and books. Four people were sitting by the door playing chess. Me, I just wanted to get out of there.

A Little Snag at the MWD Cafeteria

The security guards at the Metropolitan Water District headquarters east of downtown Los Angeles wanted me out of there.

They wouldn’t let me in the lavish-looking dining room on the ground floor of the agency’s new $135-million office tower. “The cafeteria is not for the public. You have to work here or be somebody’s guest,” one said.

When I asked why a public agency’s public building wasn’t public, officers directed me to the public affairs office on the 10th floor. First, though, I had to sign in and paste a visitor’s pass on my shirt.

But it being lunchtime and all, the 45 members of the public affairs staff were out, according to the magnetic sign-in board near the front door. Later, MWD spokesman Bob Gomperz called to apologize.

“This is a public building built with ratepayers’ dollars,” Gomperz acknowledged. “The word will get out el posto hasto. Hopefully the friendly security guards will direct the public to the cafeteria from now on.”

Gomperz described the MWD cafeteria as having a large selection of food, with a similar price range but with more seating space than the cafeteria at the neighboring MTA.

*

I didn’t check in with the guards at the Metropolitan Transportation Authority headquarters. I hurried to the second floor of the new $186-million high-rise near Union Station and blended in with a group of MTA employees walking inside.

The cafeteria is surprisingly small for such a palatial building. So was the menu.

The serving area was crowded; a sagging cloth curtain partially enclosed what looked like a broom closet next to the food line. The main entree was cheese enchiladas with rice and beans. The chef’s special was beef fajitas with rice and beans.

I ordered a bacon burger, selected a bag of chips and a medium Coke, and paid the cashier $3.38.

Unfortunately, there was a snag. My tray was wedged under the lip of the cashier’s counter. When I lifted it, my soft drink tipped and spilled onto my hamburger.

There were no empty tables in the dining area so I headed for the patio balcony. My hamburger was cold and soggy when I bit into it. But the breathtaking view of the downtown skyline from the patio made up for it. Almost.

*

Westwood is full of trendy restaurants. So no wonder the Wilshire Boulevard Federal Building cafeteria is decorated with original oil paintings on its walls, a shiny metal ceiling over its two-story-high eating area and neon-accent lighting.

Too bad the kitchen didn’t match the dining room.

The hot entree serving area was marked “temporarily closed” the day I was there. And the sandwich line was moving slowly.

Sandwich prices were a tad on the high side: hamburgers $2.30, cheeseburgers $2.65 and cheese sandwiches $1.75. My burger, chips and Pepsi came to $5.46.

And my food was getting cold by the time I found the condiment rack, finished assembling my burger and then waited to pay for it.

But there were artificial flowers in Snapple bottles on the dining room tables and a garden-like setting in the courtyard outside. So maybe this is not a bad place to relax before your appointment with the IRS. Or the FBI.

*

Mention dining alfresco along skid row and soup kitchens, Dumpster-diving and cardboard seating come to mind. Until you dine on the patio outside the cafeteria at the Ronald Reagan State Office Building in downtown Los Angeles, that is.

The tree-shaded, second-floor patio is high above the street’s atmosphere. And surprise: The food is above average too.

Lines for the hot food--daily entrees and grilled fare--and for deli sandwiches move quickly. Hamburgers are $2.15, cheeseburgers $2.35 and grilled cheese sandwiches $1.85. There’s a good selection of beverages and desserts in a second serving area. The tasty $3.95 club sandwich I ordered even came with real sliced turkey.

The dining room is carpeted and comfortable. A spotlighted metal sculpture extends across one wall over stylish tables and chairs. And the patio is a delight.

Street noise is so successfully muffled by the trees and the balcony design that you can actually hear chirping birds. There’s a view of the tops of buildings, not the gritty sidewalk used by those who frequent a nearby homeless shelter.

There are seating pads for the metal patio chairs. All that was missing were ashtrays for those who smoke with their lunch. The view of stubbed-out cigarettes lining the tops of balcony walls wasn’t all that appetizing.

Deceiving Ambience at 1st and Broadway

The Junipero Serra State Office Building at 1st Street and Broadway is so drab and uninviting that no one goes inside unless they have to. And you have to be really hungry to venture into its second-floor cafeteria.

I lost much of my appetite waiting in line to order my lunch, however. Spilled food was spattered on the front of the stove, discarded vegetable rinds littered a counter, and eggshells were scattered on the floor. A tangle of dirty hoses connected to soft drink cylinders were exposed beneath the Coke machine.

Out in the dining area, tables were jammed together. People choosing to sit on the north side of the room were treated to a ringside view, through the bus-your-dishes-here window, of the dishwasher scraping and rinsing plates.

But wait. My $4.15 bacon-and-tomato sandwich and medium Coke were surprisingly tasty. And the ventilation system was doing a good job of handling kitchen odors.

The window opposite the dishwasher overlooks a rooftop area with several picnic tables, so patio dining is available.

And the health department’s ‘A’ was proudly displayed on the wall.

*

It’s a good thing a cast-iron stomach isn’t needed to eat at the Long Beach Federal Building. That’s because customers must pass through metal detectors and pass muster with ID-checking guards before they can reach the third-floor dining room.

It’s worth the trouble, though. The place is small and the selection is modest, but the workers make up for it.

The cook joked with me while preparing my food. The busboy called out my order to cashier Ollie Ross, who is blind. My burger, chips and medium Coke came to $3.79. (A cheeseburger is $2.35, a grilled cheese sandwich $1.85).

Although on the small side, the dining room was carpeted and offered a nice view of downtown’s Ocean Boulevard. There were clean white cloths and vases of artificial flowers and pine sprigs on every table.

The food was tasty and reasonably priced, the place was comfortable and clean, and the workers were fast and friendly. You can’t ask for any more than that in a public building.

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The Fare That’s Fair

Our unscientific survey showed that cafeteria food in public buildings is uniformly bland. But there are other things that can leave a bad taste in a lunchtime diner’s mouth. Our ratings: 3 burgers means good, 2 burgers mean so-so, 1 burger means bring on the antacid tablets.

Cafeteria: Department of Water & Power

111 N. Hope St., L.A.

Selection: 3 burgers

Ambience: 3 burgers

Taste: 2 burgers

Overall: 3 burgers

*

Cafeteria: County Hall of Administration

222 N. Grand Ave., L.A.

Selection: 1 burger

Ambience: 1 burger

Taste: 1 burger

Overall: 1 burger

*

Cafeteria: Metropolitan Transportation Authority

1 Gateway Plaza, L.A.

Selection: 2 burgers

Ambience: 3 burgers

Taste: 1 burger

Overall: 2 burgers

*

Cafeteria: Reagan State Office Building

301 S. Main St., L.A.

Selection: 3 burgers

Ambience: 3 burgers

Taste: 2 burgers

Overall: 3 burgers

*

Cafeteria: Serra State Office Building

107 S. Broadway, L.A.

Selection: 1 burger

Ambience: 1 burger

Taste: 2 burgers

Overall: 1 burger

*

Cafeteria: Westwood Federal Office Building

11000 Wilshire Blvd., Westwood

Selection: 1 burger

Ambience: 3 burgers

Taste: 2 burgers

Overall: 2 burgers

*

Cafeteria: Metropolitan Water District

700 N. Alameda St., L.A.

Security guards wouldn’t let reviewer in

*

Cafeteria: Long Beach Federal Office Building

501 W. Ocean Blvd., Long Beach

Selection: 1 burger

Ambience: 3 burgers

Taste: 3 burgers

Overall: 2 burgers