LAUGH LINES

Cheers!: The Senate met behind closed doors for the second day in a row. “I have no idea what they’re doing. Ted Kennedy came out three times for ice.” (David Letterman)

All in Favor: Bill Clinton’s lawyer Charles Ruff has called the impeachment a “rush to judgment.” “What’s this been going on, a year now? How many would like to see a rush to judgment?” (Jay Leno)

Send in the Clowns: In TV reports, the impeachment trial has been likened to a circus. “Which is very unfair. A circus is around for maybe a week or two weeks, and then it leaves town. This thing is not going anywhere.” (Leno)

Goal!: Pope John Paul II visited Mexico City and St. Louis this week. “This weekend he’ll be in Miami headlining the big Super Bowl halftime show. (Letterman)

That Explains It: Tens of thousands greeted Pope John Paul II in St. Louis. “Why not? He’s a former cardinal.” (Daily Scoop)

Time Out: Fox TV is charging $1.6 million for each 30-second commercial during the Super Bowl. “In a further improvement, Fox is also cutting down on the number of times the ads are interrupted by football.” (Daily Scoop)

Such Perks: The International Olympic Committee is embroiled in a bribery scandal. “For their votes, committee members received money, prostitutes and medical care. That’s the usual order.” (Argus Hamilton)

Strange but True: Public libraries are looking for a way to prevent children from viewing porn on their computers. “Did you ever think you’d see the day when you would buy Hustler to get information on the government and go to the library for your porn?” (Jennifer Vally)

No, Really: Keith Richards said in an interview that he often goes days and days without sleep. “Which is hard to believe; he looks so well-rested!” (Leno)

Second Thoughts: Laura Dern reportedly will become the fifth Mrs. Billy Bob Thornton. “Even Dennis Rodman is saying, ‘Damn, are you sure?’ ” (Daily Scoop)

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The Essential

David Letterman

Top questions the Republicans have submitted to the president:

9. Seinfeld retired . . . Michael Jordan retired . . . can’t you take a hint?

8. Is there any way you could get ‘N Sync deported?

7. What’s it like to kiss a girl?

6. If Air Force One is traveling 3,800 miles from Washington to Paris at a speed of 600 mph, how long will it take before you hit on a flight attendant?

5. How the hell did the Falcons make the Super Bowl?

3. Do you deny denying your earlier denial about denying lying under oath?

2. So, are you done ruining the whole damned country yet?

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