LAUGH LINES

Happy Anniversary: Last week saw the 30th anniversary of the Apollo moon landing. “Today, Dan Quayle said he would never forget Apollo 11, especially the way he boxed in that first ‘Rocky’ movie.” (Jay Leno)

Happy Anniversary II: “There was kind of an embarrassing moment today. When Dan Quayle heard it was the anniversary of the moonwalk, he sent Michael Jackson a telegram.” (Leno)

On the Music Beat: Woodstock 99 was held in New York over the weekend. “I’m sorry, it’s just not the same without Hendrix, the Who . . . Sha Na Na.” (Daily Scoop)

The Essential David Letterman

Things you don’t want to hear from an ice cream vendor:

10. “Can you believe I found all this ice cream in a Dumpster?”

9. “I combed those sprinkles out of my hair this morning.”

8. “I’m Ben and Jerry’s ex-con brother Lou.”

7. “That ice cream is made from 100% squirrel milk.”

5. “My last customer died of one of those cold headaches.”

1. “By day it’s an ice cream truck; by night, it’s a love mobile.”

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.