Warren Christopher Avoids Namesake

Former Secretary of State Warren Christopher made a striking admission “in the interests of full disclosure” in a graduation day speech at USC.

“There are places in the world I’m not so highly regarded,” he said. “I recently learned that the Belgrade Zoo has a snake named Warren Christopher. I understand that it is an especially ugly boa constrictor.”

Added Christopher, in a reference to the negotiations over warfare in Bosnia-Herzegovina, “I’m not sure why the Belgrade Zoo thinks my name belongs on a boa constrictor, but maybe it’s because I squeezed Milosevic a little hard at the Dayton peace talks.”

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DON’T EVEN ASK ABOUT THE MINI-FRIDGE: In the East for a speech, historian Sheldon Harris was surprised that his bill for a one-night stay at a Rockville, Md., hotel came to more than $1,700 (see accompanying).

Then he noticed he had been charged $1,500 for watching adult movies. The retired history professor, who lives in Granada Hills, quipped, “Even if I had taken a whole vial of Viagra. . . . “

The hotel removed the charge after he pointed out he had watched no TV. Harris, who had been invited to speak to the National Institute of Health, said of the erroneous tab, “I don’t think the government would have reimbursed me.”

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FOOD FOR THOUGHT: Memorial Day marks the unofficial start of summer, so I pass along an ad that Lisa Ann Stecker of Carpinteria saw for a barbecue grill. Just the thing, as she put it, “if you want to cook for the entire neighborhood.”

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ANGELENOS ON THE ROAD: Rosie Rosenlof of Carson found a highway that doesn’t always live up to its name (see photo).

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SONGWRITING TIP #457: My assertion that nothing rhymes with purple brought a note from Louis Marlar, who reminded me of this Roger Miller lyric from “Dang Me”:

Roses are red

And violets are purple.

Sugar is sweet,

And so is maple surple.

Sheila Winston, meanwhile, scolded me for saying that Tom Hanks had rhymed orange with door hinge when I should have said Tom Waits, which doesn’t even rhyme with Hanks, dang me.

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BUYING INTO THE REVOLUTION: You can be given the status of “Revolutionary” by forking over $600 for a table at the June 11 fund-raiser of the Center for the Study of Political Graphics in Santa Monica. The group is honoring political poster artist Robbie Conal (surely you’ve seen his work on a nearby telephone pole). A $130 donation marks you a “Rebel.” And by doing nothing more than buying a ticket for $50 you can obtain a “Rabble Rouser” classification.

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SPEAKING OF UPHEAVALS: Augustine Estrada of Monterey Park sent me a clip from a newspaper saying that, at a “meeting of the Alhambra City Council, a Revolution was adopted. . . . “ I’ll keep you posted on this breaking news.

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EASY FOR THEM TO SAY: We all know that video games distort real life. Take “Cruisin’ USA,” a Nintendo game that tests players’ driving skills. Video motorists can hit the road in one of several regions, with degrees of difficulty ranging from “Expert” and “Medium” to “Easy.” One of the areas is “L.A. Freeway,” which is rated “Easy,” believe it or not. (It cost me 50 cents and some strange looks from nearby kids to get into the driver’s seat and verify this.)

Apart from the inaccurate rating, the roadway in “L.A. Freeway” displays a sign that says that it is the “10 South.” Driving south on the Santa Monica Freeway? I’d say that would take an “Expert” driver at the very least. Maybe Nintendo thought the Northridge quake shook the 10 more than we knew.

miscelLAny:

Do the graduates have a strong stomach for politics? Austin Woodward of Redondo Beach notes that a news release from McCain Team 2000 quotes Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) as saying he attended the U.S. “Navel” Academy. Hope I’m not raising any rabble here.

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Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.