Manly, Yes, and We Like It

Why are sports columnists so angry?

Is it really Dennis Rodman who has them so upset?

I say, get rid of the bum!

He’s self-centered, undisciplined and just plain bad for sports.

And I want to be the first to go on record as saying, “Enough already.”

Lose him.

Plus, I’ve got a hangover, the alimony’s due, and this deadline is aggravating my ulcer.

So I’m already cranky, and today I’m going to direct my crankiness at Dennis.

And when I’m finished with Dennis, I’m going to start on my “you can’t just buy a championship” column, which will run the day after the Dodgers sink to 1-1.

I’d like to be the first to forecast what could be another mediocre season.

Hopefully.

Because, as everyone knows, it’s easier to write about disappointment than about success.

And if you build up a head of steam over the disappointment, well, the column will write itself.

You really can’t lose with anger.

Real men respect it; it’s the manliest emotion.

And this is sports we’re writing about here.

It’s good to sound manly.

But I have a confession to make.

I’m not always angry.

In fact, these days I’m quite happy.

Ever since they stopped paying me by the word.

And started paying me by the paragraph.

So.

Have I reached the bottom of the page yet?

Good.

Let’s go get a drink.

JIM COTTER

Burbank