If You Thought It Was Madness Before Today . . .

C.W. Nevius of the San Francisco Chronicle writing on the NCAA Final Four, his favorite major sporting event:

”. . . UConn crazies--painted and howling like Mel Gibson in ‘Braveheart’--will be shrieking and pointing at Ohio State maniacs who will be giving back as good as they get. And these are just the alums in sports coats--the students are much louder.

“Pep band protocol will be broken down, and each band will be attempting to drown out the other, instead of waiting its turn.

“Huge flags will be rushing around the floor, held by wild-eyed cheerleaders who haven’t slept for days. At this point, there may be a mascot dust-up, although it is hoped no one’s furry head will get pulled off.”

Trivia time: Who holds the Final Four record for most three-point field goals in a game?

Boston blues: Dan Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe writing on the Celtics, who suffered their 10th loss in 11 games Wednesday night, 87-68 at home to the Minnesota Timberwolves:

“It’s all about degrees of bad when you watch the Celtics now. It’s like the Jerry Springer show and Kevin Costner movies. How low can they go?”

Only memories: Mickey Herskowitz of the Houston Chronicle on the Chicago Bulls: “There is an air of faded elegance about them, like a bankrupt British lord who still lives in a castle.

“The servants are gone. The electricity has been turned off. The furniture is covered. But he sits there, waiting for the doorbell to ring.”

Trojan conquest: It wasn’t the most memorable of seasons for the USC men’s basketball team. But the Trojans did come away with the play of the year, according to a national panel of judges made up of college basketball sportswriters, sportscasters and sports information directors.

USC was honored by the Compaq Computer Corp. for its 85-84 victory in Oregon on Jan. 7.

The Trojans trailed the Ducks by five points with 2.8 seconds left.

After a timeout, Adam Spanich made a three-point shot to pull USC within two.

Spanich then intercepted a pass from A.D. Smith near midcourt, took one dribble and let fly a shot with 0.8 seconds left.

One swish later, USC was a winner on two counts.

Perfect presenter: Shortly after Bernard Piccard and Brian Jones finished circling the globe in a balloon, it was announced they would be honored with the IOC Order.

“There’s a certain symbolism there,” Jim Bainbridge of the Colorado Springs Gazette writes. “Juan Antonio Samaranch presenting an award to a hot-air-inflated windbag.”

Is it over? Some opinions on the Detroit Red Wings’ acquisition of Chris Chelios:

Drew Sharp in the Detroit Free Press: “The Wings have become the New York Yankees of the NHL. They’re envied and reviled in the same breath.”

Sherry Ross of the New York Daily News: “There may not be a need for the Stanley Cup finals. The Red Wings can just pick up the trophy and go directly to the post-awards party.”

A real winner: Edmonton Oiler General Manager Glen Sather on goalie Tommy Salo, whom the Oilers acquired from the New York Islanders:

“He’s been great at every level he’s played at except the NHL, the Olympics and the world championships.”

Trivia answer: Freddie Banks of Nevada Las Vegas, 10 in 19 attempts, in a loss to Indiana in 1987.

And finally: PGA Tour golfer Tim Herron, winner of last week’s Bay Hill Invitational, on whether he gets tired of his nickname, “Lumpy”:

“If I really got tired of it, I’d stop eating and start exercising.”