In Either Case, You Are Going to Get Drilled

It has been written that guard Allen Iverson of the Philadelphia 76ers is brash and cocky. He’s also a candidate for the most-valuable-player award in the NBA. A sampling of comments:

* Cleveland Cavalier guard Bob Sura: “I was asked if I’d rather guard Allen or go to the dentist. I said I’d rather go to the dentist. At least there, 20,000 people don’t watch that kind of pain.”

* Indiana Pacer President Donnie Walsh: “You can’t guard him. He goes in with the giants, he sometimes looks like a billiard ball.”

* Philadelphia guard Doug Overton: “I have to guard him in practice. I feel good when I leave the gym, because I know no one else I have to guard is going to be like him.”

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Trivia time: What do Gary Gaetti, Will Clark, Wally Moon and Hoyt Wilhelm have in common?

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Laker bashing: Before L.A.’s rout of Portland on Thursday night, Tom Sorensen of the Charlotte (N.C.) Observer had this to say about the Lakers: “The Hornets are the anti-Lakers. The underachieving and selfish Lakers represent, despite Jerry West, everything bad about the NBA game.

“Yet, NBC, TBS and TNT all but refuse to televise an NBA game if the Lakers are not in it. In fact, the networks would, if they could, change the schedule so the Lakers played only themselves.”

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Circus people: Skip Bayless of the Chicago Tribune writes that tattoos are among the many things in sports he doesn’t understand:

“Now our best young athletes decorate--rather, desecrate--their bulging biceps and calves with I-am-invincible graffiti.

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Morning blast: Tom FitzGerald in the San Francisco Chronicle: “Geno Zertuche of Hayward [Calif.] hears that the directions on a box of Albert Belle’s new cereal say: “ ‘Pour into bowl, add milk and sprinkle with obscenities.’ ”

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Only way to fly: Arizona Diamondback outfielder Luis Gonzalez, after the team leased a 72-seat Boeing jet, featuring wide seats, three card tables, individual TV screens for everyone plus four VCRs:

“We were like a bunch of kids playing with a new Nintendo game.”

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Who knows? From the Morning Line column in the Dallas Morning News: “Maverick center Hot Rod Williams used to be known as John Williams. His three sons are named John Jr., Johnpaul and Johnfrancis. So, if he liked the name so much to begin with, why doesn’t he use it?”

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Trivia answer: They all hit home runs on their first pitch in the major leagues.

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And finally: Because of an injury to Kelly Stinnett, Arizona Diamondback catcher Damian Miller had to catch 92 consecutive innings, including all 16 innings of a game against the Dodgers.

At one point, Manager Buck Showalter went out to check on starter Armando Reynoso. “How’s he holding up?” Showalter asked Miller, who replied: “Forget him. What about me?”