Magic Hopes It Isn’t Caught Pennyless Again

Larry Guest of the Orlando Sentinel predicts the Magic will re-sign Penny Hardaway and then try to trade him:

“And even if the Magic have had it up to here with Penny’s whining and finger-pointing and inconsistency--which they have--it makes sense to re-sign him to make sure they get something in return.

“Whether it’s a star point guard, a pulling guard or a case of Right Guard. The Magic high command remains eternally embarrassed that it got zilch when Shaq [O’Neal] bolted for the Left Coast and is determined that it won’t happen again.”

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More Penny: Jay Mariotti of the Chicago Sun-Times, concerned that the Bulls may try to acquire Hardaway:

“DisneyWorld has more mature stuffed cartoon characters than Anfernee Hardaway. Achieving the impossible, he has managed to become a bigger irritant than his alter-ego puppet in the TV ads.

“Most franchises wouldn’t pay a penny right now for Penny, who no longer ranks among the performing elite, but certainly is the runaway Crybaby of the Year.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the PGA Senior Tour record for consecutive birdies?

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Reason enough: San Antonio’s Mario Elie had been campaigning to play the Lakers two days into the NBA playoffs--but not for the reasons you might expect.

“Good shopping. That’s why I want to play the Lakers,” Elie told the San Antonio Express-News. “San Antonio is a great town, but they don’t have any good shoe stores for guys with big feet.”

Rodeo Drive merchants, be prepared for a new customer.

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Success story: Headline in the Washington Post on Charismatic’s victory in the Preakness: “From Nags to Riches.”

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More horse: From comedy writer Earl Hochman: “Now that he’s one race away from winning the Triple Crown, unsung and unheralded Charismatic is finally getting more respect than both Rodney Dangerfield and Mr. Ed.”

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Saliva session: Kansas City Chief offensive tackle Glenn Parker, on spending a week as an intern at a California winery, where he tasted 40 to 50 wines: “I learned to spit.”

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Ding-dong: Ken Rosenthal of the Baltimore Sun notes that Albert Belle has fewer home runs than Jay Bell, David Bell and Alexander Graham Bell.

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The Yogi Berra file: “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

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Trivia answer: Chi Chi Rodriguez, eight, in the 1987 Silver Pages Classic at Oklahoma City.

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And finally: Fran Blinebury of the Houston Chronicle on the Rockets’ elimination from the NBA playoffs:

“Calling the Rocket offense one-dimensional is an insult to stick figures everywhere.”