SIMERS’ RANKINGS

TOP 5

1. St. Louis

Dick Vermeil versus Jeff Fisher. UCLA versus USC. Better than the real thing this year.

2. Jacksonville

Upset alert. Jaguars have winning record against every AFC Central foe except Cincinnati.

3. Tennessee

Steve McNair or Neil O’Donnell? O’Donnell 4-1 as reliever, but McNair trying to start six weeks to the day since back surgery.

4. Miami

Dan Marino might be hurt, but as long as kicker Olindo Mare stays healthy, the Dolphin offense remains intact.

5. New England

Resurrection of Terry Allen may ultimately save Pete Carroll’s job.

BOTTOM 5

27. San Francisco

Defense has outscored offense in last two games, and defense ranks 30th.

28. New York Jets

Joe Namath, at age whatever and with no knees, must be better than Rick Mirer.

29. Cincinnati

Jim Gray reports that Pete Rose is betting the Bengals lose this week.

30. New Orleans

Coach Mike Ditka has asked to be fired twice in the last two weeks. If he loses to the Browns, he won’t have to ask.

31. Cleveland

Tampa Bay once ended a 26-game losing streak in New Orleans. Browns play in New Orleans this week.