SPORTS EXTRA / FOOTBALL ‘99: COLLEGE PREVIEW : COLLEGE FOOTBALL : Throw the (Play)Book at ‘Em

Opening kickoff couldn’t get here soon enough, unless you preferred the off-season ode, “You have the right to remain silent.”

College football hit a crossroads snarl that rivaled the 405-Santa Monica freeway interchange: parking scandals, sex sagas, BAOC (big agents on campus), stabbings, Iowa quarterback Randy Reiner passed out drunk on park benches--the Wisconsin coach’s son nuking a parrot in a microwave?

New York’s Downtown Athletic Club, venerable sponsor of the Heisman Trophy, filed for bankruptcy.

So did Alabama Coach Mike DuBose’s moral authority.

You needed “Court TV” to keep up.

Considering the various writs filed from Westwood to Pullman, the Pacific 10 (to 20) could have used a “Scared Straight” intervention.

In the Big Ten, some Michigan players allegedly embezzled money from Kmart--”Attention shoppers, we have a Maize and Blue Light Special”--and Indiana cornerback Curtis Randle El got knifed in a fraternity fight.

And it just wouldn’t be Nebraska without a player--Shevin Wiggins this time--getting busted for something.

Notre Dame elected not to join the Big Ten scrum, but awaits a “major” NCAA sanctions hit in the wake of the dumb belle (Kim) Dunbar fiasco.

With “reputable” universities copping pleas, Southern Methodist figured maybe now was a good time to announce it may have fallen off the NCAA wagon.

Welcome back, SMU(T).

The news wasn’t all police-blotter bad--Keith Jackson came back, Penn State looks formidable --but these are confusing times, so let’s cut to this season’s chase:

ROLL CALL

Twenty major college schools made coaching changes. Lou Holtz left CBS to coach SCB (South Carolina, Bad), former USC coach John Robinson rolls the dice at Nevada Las Vegas.

Rick Neuheisel jumped from Colorado to Washington, Gary Barnett from Northwestern to Colorado, Tommy Bowden from Tulane to Clemson.

For a complete listing, check out https://www.wegotrich.com.

MORE BCS

The Bowl Championship Series rankings are back, by unpopular demand--with a twist. To weaken math whiz Jeff Sagarin’s chokehold on the national title debate, five computer rankings were added to the component, bringing the total to eight.

“If you have a disease, it’s better to have a second or third, fourth or fifth opinion,” BCS chief Roy Kramer said.

Maybe not the best choice of words, Dr. Decimal.

The tweaks are intended to simplify--subtraction by addition. The upgraded system trades the odious “adjusted deviation” variant for grade school math, the new formula factoring the average of seven rankings, tossing out the lowest computer mark each week.

“We have increased the level of mathematical ability from being able to divide by three to dividing by seven,” Kramer explained. “I don’t believe it’s extremely difficult.”

Kramer, obviously, has never seen seven sportswriters trying to divvy up a dinner tab.

The five additional rankings: David Rothman’s, Kenneth Massey’s, Richard Billingsley’s, the Mathews/Scripps-Howard rankings and the Dunkel index.

Computer rankings rejected by the BCS included “Spanky’s,” “Flyman’s” and a proposal by the fly-by-night Los Angeles Times.

Rankings will be tabulated with three unaltered components: the writers’ and coaches’ polls, strength of schedule and losses. The two teams with the lowest BCS point total at year’s end play for the national title in the Jan. 4 Sugar Bowl.

Had the new rankings been used last year, Tennessee and Florida State still would have played for the national title, and Kansas State would not have.

Other adjustments: To qualify for one of eight spots in four, $13-million BCS bowls, a school now needs nine victories and a top-12 BCS ranking.

Also, starting in 2003, a major conference can lose its automatic BCS bowl status if its champion does not maintain an average ranking of 12 or higher the next four years.

Big East, this is your wake-up call.

RULE CHANGE

Striking a blow against Willie Nelson fans, the NCAA has ruled players can no longer wear bandannas under their helmets.

Nipple rings are still OK, though.

GOING MOBILE

The addition of the Mobile Alabama Bowl this year raises the number of postseason games to 23, meaning 40% of the nation’s 114 Division I schools will get bowl checks. At this rate, Hawaii and Temple will square off in the Bottom Feeder Bowl in 2007.

WELCOME MAT

After a messy divorce--watch out for that frying pan!--the eight best football-playing schools from the old 16-school Western Athletic Conference start anew in the Mountain West. The MWC members are Brigham Young, Utah, Air Force, Colorado State, Nevada Las Vegas, Wyoming, New Mexico and San Diego State.

The WAC schools are, ah, who gives a UTEP?

The MWC proved it means business by signing a seven-year rights deal with ESPN worth $48 million; the old WAC is trying to hammer out a deal with Nickelodeon.

Apparently, ESPN bosses didn’t click on https://www.ESPN.com before cutting the MWC check.

In one on-line Q&A;, the question was posed: “Can the new Mountain West establish itself as a prime-time national conference?”

ESPN football expert Rod Gilmore responded: “In a word, no.”

HAPPY TRAILS

Attention sportswriters: Halt your Navy SEALs training; there will be no need this year to infiltrate Bill Snyder’s fortress at Kansas State.

The Wildcats nursed quarterback Michael Bishop and a weak schedule to a title run last year, but Bishop is gone and so is the magic.

With another round of nonconference lollipops lined up, Temple, Texas El Paso, Utah State, and Big 12 mop-ups against Iowa State, Kansas, Oklahoma State and Baylor, Kansas State will win seven games if the team finds the stadium.

But we don’t see the Wildcats hitting for the cycle at Texas, at Nebraska and at home against Colorado and Missouri.

Kansas State’s defense, built to stop cloud-of-dust offenses in the Big 12, will be good again, but anyone who saw Purdue quarterback Drew Brees’ cutlery work on the Wildcat secondary in the Alamo Bowl knows Kansas State was an impostor on the national scene.

BEST TEAM NOT RANKED

Marshall.

What gives? The Thundering Herd gets 20 starters back from last year’s 11-1 Motor City Bowl championship squad and can’t crack the preseason top 25 in either poll?

News bulletin: Marshall upgraded to Division I years ago, has won more games in the 1990s than Florida State, Nebraska, Penn State, Ohio State or Florida, and has a splendid quarterback in Chad Pennington.

This we know: Clemson Coach Tommy Bowden isn’t doing flips over hosting Marshall on Saturday.

THE CHAMPION IS . . .

Florida State.

We would have nailed this pick last year had quarterback Chris Weinke not been injured for the national title game against Tennessee. Weinke had thrown 218 consecutive passes without an interception before rupturing a disk in his neck against Virginia. Weinke, the 27-year-old junior, returns and so, blessedly, does All-American receiver Peter Warrick, who turned down top-10 NFL money to tend to unfinished business in Tallahassee.

You knew Florida State was stocked when it had only 11 scholarships to offer and got everyone it wanted. Anquan Boldin, a quarterback turned receiver, is already turning heads.

THE MOST OVERRATED SCHOOL IS . . .

Arizona. We predict the Wildcats will lose their opener to Penn State, oh, 41-7. Trung Canidate will be lucky if he gains 31 yards in 10 carries and Arizona’s quarterback tandem of Ortege Jenkins and Keith Smith will be outplayed by Penn State’s tandem of Kevin Thompson and Rashard Casey.

Afterward, don’t be surprised if Pac-10 Commissioner Tom Hansen says of the loss, “it was terribly damaging to them [Arizona] and terribly damaging to the conference.”

Also overrated:

--Ohio State. Can’t see the Buckeyes getting by Miami in the Kickoff Classic. Look for an MVP-type performance from Hurricane quarterback Kenny Kelly.

--Texas. Extremely vulnerable to North Carolina State’s kick-blocking teams.

Note: Isn’t it great when the college football preview runs after the start of the season?

THE OLDEST PLAYER IS . . .

Rick Slater. The Penn State defensive tackle turned 30 on Aug. 8, which still makes him 42 years younger than the head coach. No need to call the NCAA for an inquiry. After high school, Slater spent eight years as a Navy SEAL before enrolling at Penn State in 1996. He made the football team as a walk-on.

While a Navy man, Slater spent tours of duty slogging through remote regions of South and Central America.

The most out-of-the-way place he has ever been?

We’re guessing it’s State College, Pa.

FIVE GUYS WITH THEIR WORK CUT OUT

The names are Dusty Bonner of Kentucky, Hodges Mitchell of Texas, Madei Williams of Syracuse, A.J. Feely of Oregon, and Drew Bennett of UCLA.

They are being asked to replace Tim Couch, Ricky Williams, Donovan McNabb, Akili Smith and Cade McNown.

Good luck, fellas.

TEN THINGS YOU CAN TAKE TO THE BANK

1. Florida State will lose a game and remain in the national title hunt.

2. Coaches Frank Solich at Nebraska and Gerry DiNardo at LSU will be feeling enough heat to save on fuel oil this winter.

3. Arizona State will rebound from a disastrous 5-6 season to compete for the Pac-10 title.

4. Taking Neuheisel’s 8-4 team and 57 returning letterman, Barnett will make a run at the Big 12’s North Division title.

5. Schools coached by Holtz and Robinson will combine for more than one victory this season.

6. Nebraska will finish with its 39th consecutive winning season, tying it with Alabama for second place behind Notre Dame, which had 42 consecutive winning seasons from 1889-1932.

7. A Y2K glitch in the final BCS rankings will lead to the controversial pairing of Temple vs. Boise State for the national title in the Jan. 4 Sugar Bowl.

8. The University of Hawaii, loser of 18 consecutive games, will look past No. 19--to USC on Saturday--toward a winnable game in Week 2 against Eastern Illinois.

9. For the first time in five years, no writer from a major paper will go to Prairie View, Texas, to chronicle the struggles of a woeful Division I-A football program.

10. ESPN pencil-pusher Lee Corso will say something on the air that makes your toes curl. What, he already has?

THE HEISMAN TROPHY

Ron Dayne’s to lose. It took Ricky Williams 22 years to break Tony Dorsett’s major college rushing record, but Williams’ mark could fall before Thanksgiving. Dayne, a Wisconsin senior, needs 1,717 yards to break Williams’ record. Dayne had the gall to ask Williams if he would attend the record-breaking ceremonies.

Williams said no.

Others in the Heisman hunt: Florida State receiver Peter Warrick, running backs Jamal Lewis of Tennessee, J.R. Redmond of Arizona State, and Georgia Tech quarterback Joe Hamilton.

BEST PLAYER YOU DON’T KNOW IS . . .

Travis Prentice, tailback at Miami of Ohio.

Fret not, Travis, there is precedent for Miami of Ohio unknowns making national news. In last year’s NCAA basketball tournament, Wally Szczerbiak became “Wally World” during a commercial break.

Prentice is a similar talent. He is the nation’s leading returning rusher and is on course to break Williams’ NCAA records for touchdowns and points. Prentice has not lost a fumble in his last 684 carries and should hit the ground running Saturday at Northwestern.