There Is Magic, and Then There Is Plain Stupidity

Remember two months ago in Orlando when the Lakers’ Shaquille O’Neal intercepted an inbounds pass in the closing seconds of regulation and raced downcourt for a tying dunk? The Lakers went on to beat the Magic in overtime.

Now Magic Coach Doc Rivers reveals to Orlando Sentinel columnist Larry Guest that, for a fleeting instant, he actually had the wild idea of running out on the court and tackling O’Neal.

Fortunately for Rivers, the urge passed.

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Penalty phase: Guest went so far as to call NBA executive Rod Thorn to find out what the referees would have done.

“If Doc had tackled him,” Thorn said, “it would be a technical, two shots and the Lakers get the ball out of bounds. Doc would get a big fine--and an injury.”

Responded Rivers, “Either way, I should have done it. That way, Shaq would have had to earn those two points. And if they got the ball back, we’d just foul him again.”

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Trivia time: In what bowl game did a player actually do what Rivers was only thinking about?

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Alarming speed: From Steve Rosenbloom in the Chicago Tribune: “Here’s what Peter Warrick told the [Washington] Redskins to explain how his 40-yard dash time fell during a workout last month: ‘I didn’t have anybody chasing me. If I’d have had somebody chasing me, I would have run faster.’

“Like store security?”

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Your average multimillionaire: Only eight years after the average major league salary broke the million-dollar mark, it nearly reached $2 million on opening day, falling just short at $1,988,034, according to a study by the Associated Press.

“Sure it’s a lot of money,” Texas Ranger first baseman David Segui said. “But look, the stadiums are full and look at the money they are making off television. The industry generates that kind of revenue and, without the players, who’s going to watch? Joe Blow can’t play at this level.”

The problem is, Joe Blow fan can’t continue to pay at this level.

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Fencing lesson: Enron Field, where the Houston Astros will begin playing tonight, may prove to be a nightmare for outfielders. The surrounding fence features 21 different angles and three fence heights.

Houston’s Moises Alou, an all-star left fielder two seasons ago before sitting out last year because of a knee injury, has gladly moved to right field.

“I think I’ve got the most normal part of the outfield, playing right,” Alou said. “I think it’s going to be OK playing defense. It’s just getting used to it. In left field, you’re just going to have to take a lot of balls . . . and see how it bounces.”

He’ll be happy to watch, from a distance.

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Trivia answer: In the 1954 Cotton Bowl, Alabama’s Tommy Lewis came off the sideline to tackle Rice’s Dickie Moegle.

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And finally: Tiger Woods told Blaine Newnham of the Seattle Times that he has only been intimidated once on a golf course.

“He was an 11-year-old,” Newnham wrote, “when a 12-year-old drove the green against him on a 290-yard par four.

“ ‘I was really taken aback by that,’ Woods said, ‘and I felt like there was no way I could compete. Then I ended up beating him in the tournament.’ ”

Of course.