Absent-Minded President Not Funny to Him

Much was made two months ago of Michael Jordan becoming president of the Washington Wizards.

Much, however, hasn’t been done since then, according to Tony Kornheiser of the Washington Post:

“Going into last week, I think Jordan had been to two more Wizard games than the Dalai Lama. . . . Call me old-fashioned, but I always thought, if you were named president of something, you tended to work there. If I’d known I could be president of Bulgaria and still live here, I’d apply for the job.

“Don’t get me wrong. I love Michael Jordan. I think naming him president of the Wizards is genius. I would just like to see him here more.”

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Trivia time: Only two men have ever won consecutive Masters tournaments. Who are they?

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Keeping hope alive: Columnist Ray Ratto says Pete Rose, banned from baseball for gambling, now must rest his hopes of getting into the Hall of Fame on his chances of outliving Commissioner Bud Selig.

“Selig said Rose would not be reinstated by baseball while he was commissioner, period, end of sentence, don’t come whining about it any more, done,” Ratto writes on ESPN.com.

“And since Selig has given every indication that he wants to die in about 30 years or so with his wingtips on his feet and resting on the commissioner’s desk, we now know Petey’s path to redemption is going to be a race to meet the feathered choir.

“Rose’s inclusion has as much to do with Emperor Bud’s cholesterol count as Rose’s hitting skills, and as much to do with Rose’s cardiovascular fitness as Emperor Bud’s evaluation of the facts.”

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Exclusive women’s club: A golf grand slam was achieved recently when the mother of British amateur champion Graeme Storm served as his caddie in the Masters.

When Jane Storm carried her son’s golf bag down the first fairway, she completed the list of female relatives who have caddied in the tournament--a sister, a daughter, a wife and, now, a mother.

Previously, Shelly Green caddied for brother Ken, Elizabeth Archer carried the clubs for father George, and Sheryl Calcavecchia did the heavy lifting for husband Mark.

The ultimate test, however, still remains: A mother-in-law caddie.

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Ouch: Steve Simmons in the Toronto Sun: “All that money the Dodgers have, and the best they can come up with at shortstop is a statue of Kevin Elster?”

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Trivia answer: Jack Nicklaus, 1965 and ‘66, and Nick Faldo, 1989 and ’90.

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And finally: Snails have won legal protection in a court case that threatened to kill a planned holiday complex in Ireland, including a golf course designed by Greg Norman.

A settlement requires developers to carry out annual reviews of the snail population on the course--there are about 10 million of them--and to close fairways if there are signs of depletion.

No word on whether foursomes that play at a snail’s pace also will be protected.