Dogged Pursuit of Absent Owner

Jim Sievern fished this item out of Big Bear’s Grizzly newspaper: An officer responding to a barking dog report at a residence noted, “Owner not home, dog advised.”

TALK ABOUT A PUSHY HOME DESIGNER: The Westsider newspaper’s police log reported: “900 block of South Fairfax Avenue. Sometime in the last two weeks an unknown suspect smashed the window of a house, entered, rearranged the antique furniture and exited.”

SENTIMENTAL GUY: Chuck Ulrich of Northridge noticed this inscription on the back of a motorcycle rider’s jacket on the Ventura Freeway:

“If You Can Read This, My Wife Fell Off.”

Fell, or jumped.

I FEEL BETTER ALREADY: Raul Blacksten saw a traffic sign that ascribed soothing powers to a boulevard in Alhambra (see photo). What the sign means is that the city is attempting to control the volume of traffic spilling off the Long Beach Freeway by keeping green lights short during peak commuting hours.

WILDLIFE INSULT? I can’t go along with a sign in Avalon that was snapped by Warren Larson of Shadow Hills (see photo). I’ve been to Catalina and the birds are not that unpleasant to look at.

SPEAKING OF BIRDIES: At least one person has been spotted wearing a “Hillary 2000” cap in these parts. He donned it recently when he golfed with Mayor Richard Riordan in Rancho Park. Guy looked familiar. Oh yes, it was Bill Clinton.

JUNK CALL APPROACH NO. 5,367: I picked up the phone at home and a voice said, “Can I speak to the decision-maker in the family?” I told her, “We can’t make up our mind about anything here,” and hung up.

CONTEMPT OF SPELL-CHECK! Ted Reynolds saw an Orange County bus with an ad for the new Judge Judy show that said, “Judgement Day.”

Said Reynolds: “The first thing I remember being told in law school was that the word ‘judgment’ has only one ‘e.’ ”

Judge Judy’s not going to be happy!

BIG SEAT OF HONOR: I mentioned the capacious chair that Occidental College constructed for 350-pound President William Howard Taft in honor of his 1909 visit to Southern California. The chair is still around; it sits in the office of history professor Wellington Chan.

But a second, more accessible throne built for Taft is in the lobby of the Mission Inn in Riverside, point out readers Stan Coutant and Ted Creveling. Taft also swung by the Inn during his tour.

“The Taft chair is readily available for all comers to try for size,” Coutant said. “Both my wife and I sat in it--at separate times; it’s not THAT large--and none of the nearby staff members admonished us.”

By the way, there are no known photos or witness accounts indicating that Taft felt honored enough to settle into either oversized piece of furniture.

miscelLAny:

Well, the Dodgers, whose own general manager says they have playoff potential, have begun to win a few games. It’s about time.

I was beginning to think those ads that call Dodger Stadium a “56,000-Seat Museum” meant that the field was occupied by nothing but relics.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.