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Netting More From Classic TV

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robert.burns@latimes.com

People always complain about the mindless junk on TV like it’s a bad thing. They haven’t seen “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” or just about anything on Fox.

Watching TV happens to be our favorite winter sport. And it only makes things better when you can do it with two tubes, with one of them pointed at the Net.

All the networks have their own Web sites, of course, but they’re a little too mainstream for our tastes. And there’s way too much hawking going on. CBS (https://www.cbs.com), for example, is still trying to squeeze some cash from “Survivor.” Oh, yes, please, we all want more of Richard and Sue.

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Because a good grounding in the classics is important, that’s where we’ll start. There are hundreds of “I Love Lucy” sites out there, and frankly, we’d like these people to ‘splain themselves. At Club Babalu (https://mrricardo.homepage.com) there’s a recipe for arroz con pollo, which we don’t think Lucy ever made. Fred and Ethel have their own site at https://www.booknote.com/mertz/links.htm. But you can pick your own faves here. The “I Love Lucy” Web ring (https://nav.webring.yahoo.com/hub?ring=ilovelucy&list;) has 174 Lucy sites. And there’s still more: How about the Unofficial Lucy Web ring (10 sites); or the Lucy Ricardo Web ring (42 sites)?

Folks, it was a great show, but we feel like Lucy sites are coming at us like candy on an overactive conveyor belt.

“The Honeymooners” has fewer but just as dedicated fan sites. The Honeymooners.net (https://www.honeymooners.net) is a clean, easy-to-use site, but at Haminahamina’s Honeymooners page (https://www.homestead.com/thehoneymooners) you could go to the moon before it builds.

Skipping ahead a generation, there’s “Gilligan’s Island.” Kudos to the Web work at the Gilligan’s Island Fan Club (https://home.san.rr.com/gilligan). But our favorite Gilligan site is Here on the Island (https://www.bserver.com/bunker/gilligan.html), a sociopolitical essay on the meaning of the show.

We could keep going on individual shows, but frankly, we know we’ll miss someone’s favorite, and those “Full House” fans can be vicious.

So here are some directories where you can find out way too much information on your own “bestest ever” show on TV:

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The most complete list is at the Open Directory Project (https://www.dmoz.org/Arts/Television). It’ll take you at least three or four seasons to get through it.

The Classic TV Database (https://www.classic-tv.com) spans five decades of television. Read about the 100 Top Shows of all time and download some theme songs.

SpudTV.com (https://www.historyoftelevision.com) bills itself as an online museum of television. Don’t be scared because the first picture you see is from “Three’s Company.” Check out the Worst Shows of all time feature.

The Fifties Web site (https://www.fiftiesweb.com/tv50.htm) specializes in, oh, let’s say the ‘50s.

But what would TV be without the commercials? Don’t answer that. Advertising Age has great moments in TV ads at https://adage.com/news_and_features/special_reports/tv. Whoa! Famous people are plugging cigarettes!

Infomercials have their own index (not available in stores) at https://www.magickeys.com/infomercials.

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Like theme songs? TV Tunes Online (https://www.tvtunesonline.com) lets you hear them. And once you can’t get the song out of your head, visit Home of Television Lyrics (https://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Academy/4760) to figure out what they’re actually singing.

To find out if or when your favorite show peaked, go to Jump the Shark (https://www.jumptheshark.com). Once a show has jumped the shark, it’s on a downward spiral. This can happen for many reasons, including having the site’s patron saint, actor Ted McGinley, make a guest appearance. According to the votes, “Roseanne” jumped the shark with the lottery win. “Full House” peaked on Day One. That’s generous. We’d vote for the first concept meeting or possibly John Stamos’ birth.

Finally, you may have noticed we avoided one series of shows that probably has the biggest fan base in the world (oh, excuse us, the universe): “Star Trek.” It was no mistake. We just couldn’t deal with the whole Trekkie versus Trekker thing.

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Robert Burns is an assistant Business editor at the Times.

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