Ramming Those Bad Memories

You can’t tell the players without a scorecard, the expression goes. The late George Allen, the absent-minded coach of the L.A. Rams, could have been accused of needing the same for his family members.

His daughter Jennifer’s funny new memoir, “Fifth Quarter,” recalls a time when Allen mistook his own wife for a fan after a game. “You’ll have to get to the back of the line if you want an autograph, Miss,” he told her.

Allen herself said she received a note from the coach that was signed, “To Jeniffer, Love Daddy.”

“He always misspelled my name,” she explained in the book. ‘Sometimes Jeniffer, sometimes Jenifer.”

THE FACE IS FAMILIAR BUT . . . Of course, George Allen’s memory lapses were sometimes convenient.

His daughter wrote about the time her teenage brother Bruce was standing outside the sideline boundaries during a game and heckling the Philadelphia Eagles’ quarterback in violation of the rules.

The referee marched the lad over and asked Allen if he knew him. Had the coach said yes, a 15-yard penalty would have been assessed against his team.

Allen told the ref: “He must be one of those people the Eagles gave us as ball boys.” No penalty was called.

NOW IT CAN BE TOLD: I thought I was familiar with every sensational detail of the life of Marilyn Monroe until I saw evidence that the actress had apparently had a sex-change operation early in her life (see accompanying). No wonder someone tried to burn the pictures.

HOLIDAY TRADITIONAL: Rick Sine of Huntington Beach found an ad that mentions an essential component of the Christmas story (see accompanying).

SOUNDS LIKE . . . To the list of chester drawers, rod iron and chip and dale, Dave James of L.A. ads another nontraditional spelling of a home furnishing (see accompanying).

“DUH!” AWARD: To the U.S. Postal Service, for the instructions in the last block of each stamp booklet it issues (see accompanying). Gee, looks valid to me.

miscelLAny:

Remember U.S. Army Sgt. Andrew Ramirez, who was held prisoner by Serb forces in Yugoslavia for 32 days last year? He’s back and is going to run for mayor of Baldwin Park. I wouldn’t be surprised if he gains the support of a hamburger chain founded in that city. After all, when he was released, he told the media the first thing he wanted was an In-N-Out burger. A double double, to be exact.

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.