Book Deal for Hillary Is a Scandal Waiting to Happen

Hillary Rodham Clinton doesn’t have to submit a sample or a treatment of some kind to get a book of hers published, the way other authors do.

She doesn’t need to go to Kinko’s and copy 50 or 100 double-spaced pages and then ship them Priority Mail to a literary agent on spec.

She doesn’t have to say:

“Chapter 1 will be my finding out my husband’s been lying and cheating and stepping out on me, and the night I hit him upside the head with a White House frying pan.

“Chapter 2 will be me, the Early Years--first braces, high school, boys and stuff.

“Chapter 3 will be my husband running for governor of Arkansas, and me investing in riverfront property and cattle futures.

“Chapter 4 will be my husband running for president in 1992, finding out he’s been lying and cheating and stepping out on me, and the night I hit him over the head with a big rock in Little Rock.

“Chapter 5 will be my running for senator of New York in 2000 and finding out for the first time that I’ve secretly been a Yankees and Mets fan all my life.”

And so forth and so on.

No, all Clinton has to do is say she’s going to write a book, and 10 or 12 publishers bid millions as though it’ll sell like Harry bloody Potter.

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Well, more power to her--literately, if not literally.

You know and she knows and the whole world knows that the only reason anybody’s interested in Ms. Rodham Clinton’s memoirs is if she chooses to use this opportunity to call a certain Mr. Clinton every name in the book.

(Not to mention a certain raven-haired vixen who was seduced and abandoned by her husband, although there are still a few arguments over which one was the seducer and which was the seducee.)

A catchy title would come in handy, and a few leap to mind:

“Monica’s Ashes.” “From Here to Internity.” “Midnight in the Rose Garden of Good and Evil.” “First Ladies Are From Venus, Presidents Are From Mars.”

(Too bad “Devil in a Blue Dress” is already taken.)

Anything’s fine, just as long as Clinton writes the book herself. We wouldn’t want her to collaborate with somebody like that fellow who wrote Ronald Reagan’s biography, “Dutch.” Works of nonfiction shouldn’t include imaginary friends.

Hillary’s book should sell big.

But before the soon-to-be-former first lady publishes those memoirs of hers, there’s a little matter of that $8-million advance she just got from Simon & Schuster.

And whether she should give it back.

Even in the land of the free, there are certain rules individuals have to follow. Some are rules of law, others rules of ethics.

Were she retreating from public life, Hillary Rodham Clinton wouldn’t have to account to anybody. She could take money from anybody.

However, there’s a question whether a newly elected public official representing the people of New York should be pocketing $8 million from a company with vested New York interests of its own.

Simon & Schuster is a subsidiary of Viacom, to which the junior senator from New York could be construed as beholden.

An organization known as the Congressional Accountability Project is opposed to Rodham Clinton accepting millions from a firm it describes as the world’s second-largest media conglomerate and a major Washington lobbyist.

It’s been pointed out that after objections to a $4.5-million book deal Rep. Newt Gingrich made six years ago with a Rupert Murdoch company, the House outlawed big-money advances to active members.

Questions are now being posed to a Senate ethics committee about the New York senator’s windfall.

Some literary hack will probably call it a Writewater scandal.

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A back-end deal might suit the first lady better. Taking $8 million of Viacom’s lucre up front is an iffy proposition at best for a U.S. senator.

Simon & Schuster did publish three of Rodham Clinton’s previous books, but that was before she sought votes for a position of public trust.

Ten or 12 publishing houses reportedly submitted bids this time. Everybody is hot to see whether Hillary pillories Bill.

But perhaps it’s best that her proceeds should come from public sales, not from the highest bidder.

Her husband’s a different story, meanwhile. He’ll be free in a few weeks to sell his own book: “All the President’s Women?”

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Mike Downey’s column appears Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Write to: Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, CA 90012. E-mail: mike.downey@latimes.com