Fanny-Pack Felon Needs a Chic Alternative

Dear Fashion Police: I know that I’ve been committing a fashion faux pas by wearing a fanny pack, but I was horrified to find out that it now constitutes a fashion felony! I am the mother of an 18-month-old son and 5-year-old daughter. A fanny pack keeps my hands free to carry the baby and hold my daughter’s hand, leaving money readily accessible. I don’t wear it when I’m out with my husband (God forbid!), but I do sometimes carry a backpack diaper bag when I’m with him and don’t have to deal with money. If you can come up with a solution that won’t subject me to possible arrest, won’t fall down repeatedly (e.g., shoulder purses) while I wrestle a restless child, or emphasize what is already a substantial bust line on an otherwise slender body, I will be happy to comply with the law. I’m willing to substitute comfort and convenience for stylishness, although obviously I’d like to have both.

--MOTHER KNOWS BEST

Dear Mom: Despite what some of you may think, the Fashion Police has much compassion for those who knowingly break the law not out of maliciousness, but out of need and frustration at a lack of choices.

We most object to fanny pack wearers who strap those ugly, bulky bags around their middles and stuff them until they’re as big as melons. We all have a lot of junk to carry, but we don’t have to look like pack mules.

There are a couple of alternatives, but if a fanny pack works best for you, then we’ll grant a special dispensation. We realize that mothers have their hands full night and day, and if you can’t find a reasonable alternative, so be it.

Since you already use a backpack to haul diapers, consider a smaller one when you just need to carry a few essentials for quick jaunts. You shouldn’t feel weighted down with a smaller pack, but you may find it’s still inconvenient to put on and take off. Or try a small purse with a long strap that fits diagonally across your body. The strap shouldn’t slip when you move around.

If other moms or busy women have more solutions, we’d love to hear them.

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Dear Fashion Police: I work at a thrift shop. Many beautiful beaded sweaters--some brand names--in very good condition have been donated. Occasionally I buy ones that are not so flamboyant, which I wear on trips and for visiting friends during the day. Are these sweaters outdated for daytime?

--SWEATER GIRL

Dear Girl: Au contraire! Go to any chic boutique or department store and you’ll see tons of vintage-inspired beaded sweaters with cute designs on necklines, cuffs and hems. While these can be worn for evening, they’re perfect for daytime with a skirt or pants. As we pointed out last week, sparkle and shine are all over the place for spring.

Just be sure to let the sweater be the focal point of your outfit. Don’t overdo the accessories so you end up looking like a Vegas showgirl, and you’ll be fine.

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FROM THE FASHION POLICE BLOTTER: Is it almost Oscar time already? Honestly, we don’t know where the time goes. Why, it seems like yesterday that Gwyneth Paltrow was gliding down the red carpet, pretty in pink. But in a few short weeks (March 26, to be exact) we’ll have a whole new crop of celebs to scrutinize as they preen and pose before the cameras. Of course, if you can’t wait, the Grammy Awards are Wednesday, and we’ll bet there will be lots to talk about.

So keep your eyes on the TV screen, and let us know who you think ranks as the good, bad and ugly.

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Write to Fashion Police, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053, fax to (213) 237-4888, or send e-mail to socalliving@latimes.com.