Don’t Judge This Book by Its Cover

You would think that author Wendy Hornsby would be delighted to see photos of Julia Roberts and Denzel Washington on the cover of her mystery “Hard Light” (see accompanying).

After all, aren’t the two box office giants starring in the movie version?

Nope, which is why Hornsby was amused but not delighted. You see, this is the edition printed in China, where only recently did publishers bother to get permission before printing copyrighted material.

The photos of Roberts and Washington--he is in the small shot in the center--were taken from the movie “The Pelican Brief,” which was a John Grisham thriller. (The two other scenes on the cover seem to be from a 1940s movie.) No cinematic version is in the offing for Hornsby’s book, which is set in Southern California, but the publisher in China wasn’t bothered by such details.

For the record, Hornsby, a history instructor at Long Beach City College, wouldn’t object if Roberts and Washington wanted to turn “Hard Light” into a movie, if only to clear up the confusion.

LAWN AND ORDER: A draft copy of a “Speech and Advocacy Policy” for the South Orange County Community College District seeks to ensure that the grass is always greener on its campuses.

The fastidious policy details several conditions under which lawns at Saddleback and Irvine Valley colleges would be off limits for events, such as when the college “President determines it is necessary to permit new grass to germinate and grow . . .”

Another no-no period: “During watering.” (I’d think that even college students would have enough sense to steer clear of sprinklers.)

The draft also says that “destroying any object with hammers, sledgehammers, fire or in any other manner” would require prior approval.

This last condition was apparently prompted by a 1999 gathering of Irvine Valley College’s honor society, at which members demonstrated disapproval of President Raghu Mathur’s policies by using a sledgehammer to destroy a car emblazoned with his name.

DON’T WATER THIS GRASS: Art Vinsel happened upon what he calls “a very L.A.” sort of product: a velvet-lined home safe made to resemble a big volume of poetry. “You could put your diamonds in it and set it on the bookcase to fool burglars,” Vinsel said, unless the burglars “were moonlighting librarians.”

The “faux poetry volume,” he explained, “has a pretty good faux leather hand-painted finish” as well as the author’s name in ornate script: Walt Whitman. Only problem is, it’s titled: “Grass and Leaves.”

Whitman’s tome, of course, was “Leaves of Grass” (OK, I had to look it up to be sure).

EVEN THE COMMERCIALS WERE WELCOME RESPITES: I admired emcee Rosie O’Donnell’s attempt to shorten the victory speeches at the Grammys by informing the nominees at the outset that she had talked to God backstage and, “He says you’re welcome.”

I hate to copy one of her lines but, after all, she did say that it was a tossup whether the show would be staged at Staples “or Kinko’s.”

I enjoyed almost everything about the program: the jokes, the costumes, the drama. The only thing I didn’t like about the Grammys was the music, which I think should be reduced, if not eliminated. Thank goodness for the mute button.

miscelLAny:

Donn Tompkins didn’t take up one Alhambra eatery on its offer (see accompanying), explaining that “15% wouldn’t fill me up.”

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.