Forget How It Adds Up, Bruins Aren’t in Balance

The high points, low points and ticklish talking points of the weekend that was:

Stay too close to Steve Lavin and his super-conductive UCLA Bruins, and you’re going to get shocked.

Zap! Lose to USC! Nightmare! Circle the wagons! Pray for an NCAA berth!

Zzzt! Win at North Carolina! Redemption! Send Athletic Director Pete Dalis into euphoria!

What’s going on? Who knows? It just keeps getting faster, weirder, shakier!

Do even Dalis and Lavin know what’s coming next, whether it will be the positive or negative ions that flow at any given moment?

+ Watch them bolt to loose balls and hit the big shots against the Tar Heels, and you sense that, in Dan Gadzuric, Jason Kapono, Jerome Moiso & Co., UCLA probably has more talent than in the Bruin 1995 national-title squad.

- Watch the same blue-chippers brain-lock against Washington and USC, and you guess that Bob Bender and Henry Bibby will be able to take players UCLA bypasses, make them tough and smart, and beat Lavin once a season.

+ Lavin’s an astounding promoter (mostly of himself, sometimes of UCLA), and he will always recruit at the highest levels.

- But most of the stars he lands will leave early, frustrated by the lack of coherence and structure (Baron Davis), fail to improve from Day 1 (Ray Young, Moiso), test patience (JaRon Rush) or bob uncertainly amid the moods (Gadzuric).

+ Lavin was a fall-back solution for Dalis once Jim Harrick was dismissed; Lavin bargained hard for a big contract after a first-year tournament run, got an extension recently, and has repaid Dalis with 20-victory seasons and constant adrenaline rushes.

- But this is not exactly reminiscent of the program John Wooden built based on the principles of pride, precision and . . . balance.

+ Even Lavin’s sharpest critics (hello!) shouldn’t ignore the team’s ability to deliver giant efforts at its greatest moments of need.

- But even Lavin’s loyal cronies have to admit that UCLA’s unsteadiness at the top produces way too many needy moments.

= Boom. Bust. Cry. Twist. Shout. Is there any other program that provides so many headaches, and so little stability?

THE BIG PICTURE

Meanwhile, the Lakers are so stable and organized these days--how long has it been since they’ve played a sloppy game? A month? Even when they lose, it feels like a cohesive step forward.

Here’s why:

* Imagine, for a moment, that Friday’s streak-stopping defeat in Indianapolis was Game 1 of the NBA finals, which is frankly not that big of a leap.

Yes, the Indiana Pacers were better in the tightest moments, with flurries at the end of quarters and dramatic efforts from backups Austin Croshere and Travis Best.

But, even if it’s at Conseco Fieldhouse, which team has the edge in a hypothetical Game 2? Who learned the most from the first game, had the most room to grow, would be most likely to get hot and get on a streak?

And which reminded you of the 1991 Chicago Bulls, who lost Game 1 of the finals to the Lakers, then swept the next four to win the first of six championships?

* The Lakers, during the Shaquille O’Neal era, have lost playoff series, 4-1, 4-0 and 4-0, which does not exactly show an aptitude for adjusting to difficult situations or answering back after adverse defeat.

This season, the Lakers have yet to lose two games in a row, and in rematch games against teams that beat them (Portland, Denver and Toronto), the Lakers are 3-0.

* They could lose their next 13 games and still have a better record than they finished with last season (31-19).

* Phil Jackson seemed semi-relieved they finally lost one.

“You can’t coach unless there’s a loss, you mean?” Jackson said with a grin. “You said it, I didn’t say it. . . . But there’s some truth to that. A lot of truth to that.”

WEEKEND TALKING POINTS

1. Michael Jordan, prospective Wizard power broker: I believe he can fly, but not with Juwan Howard and Rod Strickland loaded onto his back.

2. Jordan-Wizards-AOL-Time-Warner merger-mania: At the end of the day, MJ and Larry King will rule the world.

3. Jim Mora: Hey, he might be 0-5 in the NFL playoffs, but he was great with the USFL Philadelphia Stars!

4. Jacksonville Jaguars: And you thought only Tiger Woods could score 62 in a playoff round.

5. Rams vs. Buccaneers, 20 years later: Last time they played in the NFC title game, it was 9-0 Rams. That was back before the designated hitter and the dissolution of all the pitching talent.

6. Titans vs. Jaguars: I’ll call it now--Tennessee wins on last-second field goal by Al Del Greco. Of course, that’s after 14 consecutive quarterback draws by Steve McNair get Titans into position.

7. Jimmy Johnson retires from coaching: And the Dolphin epitaph shall forever read--”He should’ve taken the Buccaneer job.”

8. Tampa Bay 14, Washington 13: Another of those classic games when the last team without the ball wins. “No, you take it!” “No, we insist--it’s yours!”

9. Dennis Rodman, take your time: Putting off Dallas offer so he can enjoy Super Bowl party. What dedication--skipping Oscar and USC freshman orientation parties.

10. Herb Brooks, suspended for bumping a broadcaster: See, the instigator never gets the penalty in hockey.

LEADING QUESTIONS

So, Dan Marino, you know what’s up, don’t you?

You know your body and remaining abilities better than anyone else, you know how much longer you can go without becoming merely a symbolic reminder of what you used to be, don’t you?

You don’t want to drag Miami through another torturous season--you’ll only come back if you can actually take two steps without fumbling or throwing the ball straight into the ground, right?

You swear that first interception wasn’t your fault--if the receiver wants to catch the pass, well, he has to run to where I throw it!--and, you know what?

We believe you . . . don’t we?