They Won’t Miss Hide Nor Hair of Him

Dan LeBatard of the Miami Herald had a harsh assessment of Jimmy Johnson, who resigned recently as coach of the Miami Dolphins:

“Yes, Johnson won more than he lost here, but Chan Gailey and Pete Carroll won more than they lost for their most recent employers too, and all it got them was fired.

“Truth is, Johnson never delivered his promised running game. Never delivered his promised division title. Never delivered, period.

“In four years he quit as many times after the playoffs [twice] as he won during them. What he did most successfully here as Dolphin coach was tarnish his legend.”

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More on Johnson: From comedy writer Alan Ray: “In his career, he built one of the most indestructible forces in the NFL--his hair.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the NBA career record for highest field-goal percentage?

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Strange finalists: Dan Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe on the NFL’s final four: “Yeesh. Tampa Bay, St. Louis, Nashville and Jacksonville. How did Hooterville, Dogpatch and Bugtussle miss the final cut?”

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Friendly gesture? “The rift between Indiana basketball Coach Bob Knight and former Indiana star and now Iowa Coach Steve Alford apparently is over,” said comedy writer Alex Kaseberg.

“Knight shook Alford’s hand before the game. In fact, to show there were no hard feelings, Knight invited Alford to go hunting.”

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Busy signal: Syndicated columnist Norman Chad: “Next big merger could be AOL and the NFL, allowing Internet users to challenge up to two calls per game from home.”

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You figure it out: From the Casey Stengel file: At the 1959 All-Star game, he said he didn’t use Mickey Mantle as a pinch-hitter in the eighth inning because Mantle had a bad ankle.

“But you put him into run,” somebody interjected. Said Stengel with typical logic: “He can run pretty good with a bad ankle.”

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Wishful thinking: Mike Ashley of Sportsnote.com: “Can we get England to keep Mike Tyson now that they let him in?”

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A real blow: An Israeli Cup soccer match in Jerusalem came to a premature and bizarre conclusion: The game was abandoned during a penalty-kick shootout because strong winds made it impossible to keep the ball on the penalty spot.

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Forgotten Knick: Ron Rapoport in the Chicago Sun-Times: “A poll shows that 47% of Americans are not aware Bill Bradley once played in the NBA.”

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Trivia answer: Artis Gilmore, 59.9% while playing for Chicago, San Antonio and Boston.

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And finally: Orlando Magic executive Pat Williams, on Phoenix Sun Coach Scott Skiles: “How snarly is he? Every night he comes home, he flosses the piranha.”