Rodman Can Guarantee Cheap Thrills in Dallas

The NBA, it may not be as fan-tastic as it used to be, but it’s still writer-tastic!

Is this a great league or what? Donald T. Sterling! Dennis Rodman! And now, Mark Cuban!

People used to worry what would happen in Rodman’s out-of-control, self-destructive life when he ran out of suckers, but apparently it’s OK because it won’t ever happen.

The guy is 38, hasn’t been in shape in years, drinks to excess, describes his binges in glowing detail in his books, doesn’t want to play, says so, is only available between parties, single-handedly nuked the Lakers a year ago . . . and is about to sign with the Dallas Mavericks.

He actually showed up in Dallas last week to meet Cuban, whom the Dallas Morning News’ Tim Cowlishaw calls “that over-caffeinated Mavericks owner,” and General Manager/Coach Don Nelson.

Also attending was Rodman’s agent, the indefatigable Steve Chasman of ICM, which, in its defense, deals more with show biz, where anything a star says, does, wears or wants is OK. Sort of like the NBA, only worse.

Chasman announced, as usual, the Mavericks were one of three teams they were talking to, which was as transparent as usual. There are no other bidders, the Mavericks are over the cap (thanks, Nellie!) and Rodman will have to take $475,000, which he’ll start complaining about within minutes of signing.

Rodman said he can’t get there until he has recovered from his Super Bowl gala, where he’ll appear with the Red Hot Chili Peppers (they’ll be the ones on the stage who are modestly dressed, at least in comparison). Rodman had said something about the Pro Bowl too, but, showing he could take a stand, Cuban said it’s this week or never.

Rodman said OK, which, of course, doesn’t preclude the possibility that he’ll back out, or won’t show up on time, or ever.

“I thought he and I have a few things in common,” Cuban said. “He likes to rebound and I like to see him rebound. He likes to win and I like to win. He likes to be intense and I like to be intense.”

Yeah, and you missed one. Rodman is out of his mind and so are you.

Apparently only a casual student of recent sports history, Cuban thinks they have the rule-breaking problem covered: They won’t have any rules for Rodman! He’ll be allowed to show up later for games, skip shootarounds and ride an exercise bike during practices.

Of course, they’ll still expect him to be there for the opening tip and enter games when Nelson says, so they’re not out of the woods yet.

Maverick players claim Rodman won’t bother them, exactly what Laker players said last season.

“I just hope he’s not stringing us along,” Michael Finley said. “Hopefully, he comes sooner than later. You never know with Dennis, but if he comes here to work hard and to win, I have no problem with it.”

Said Cuban: “Dennis wants to get back into the public eye. I think the key is respecting Dennis as an individual, not trying to fit him into a specific mold.”

Yeah, no one ever thought of that before.

Rodman definitely wants back into the public eye and this is the only way, even if he doesn’t want to play basketball. Ask him. Sooner or later, he’ll say it as he did last season, before and after joining the Lakers.

One thing about Rodman, he’s honest. He’s also consistent and predictable.

He was deteriorating rapidly in his last days with the Chicago Bulls. He had no chance with the Lakers, who weren’t as good or as distraction-proof. It’s not even worth discussing with the Mavericks, who aren’t even a .500 team. Dennis is disconsolate enough in the best of times.

“He looks the same as he did before--big old earrings in his ears and in his nose,” Nelson said after the meeting, laughing.

“Look, we discussed all the issues. The bottom line is, we have a shot to get a great player for the veteran minimum. We have a player here who does the two things we don’t have--rebounding and defense. So the fit is beautiful.”

Translation: Don’t you remember when he called last fall and we said no? Now I have a new boss who wants him, so what do you want from me?

Cuban is an Indiana grad and there’s talk he wants to bring in Hoosier legend Isiah Thomas to coach. Nelson went to Big Ten rival Iowa and will do well to keep one of his jobs.

After two seasons of chasing his own tail, Nelson had the Mavericks looking like something. If these are his final days on the sideline, he’s going to pay for his sins. Having Rodman around means never having a moment’s peace.

You’d think everyone would have learned that by now, but Rodman is only on his fifth team so that leaves 24 more employment opportunities. At least.

By this time every season, there will be someone who thinks he has nothing to lose. Rodman will be 45, with a string of burning franchises behind him, and the lightbulb will go off over some parvenu’s head:

“Why don’t we just let Dennis be Dennis?”

Good thinking, Mr. Cuban. If you thought you had nothing to lose, take a look around. In six weeks, this will look like the good old days.

FACES AND FIGURES

There are growing indications that Tim Duncan and Grant Hill will re-sign for one year with their teams. That would give both a chance to see if the teams can bring in enough help--or allow Hill to go to San Antonio in 2001, when the Spurs will have cap room. Waiting also makes Hill a seven-year man, eligible for a $103-million maximum vs. $86 million this summer. . . . Tick, tick, tick: Allen Iverson of the Philadelphia 76ers missed a practice, along with two teammates, during a blizzard, then blew off a shootaround. Coach Larry Brown, heeding owner Pat Croce’s plea not to turn everything into a controversy, bit his tongue for what is believed to be the first time in his career. “Allen missed practice,” Brown said, “but I’ve seen him trying to do what’s right. So I think that sometimes, as a coach, you’ve got to understand that. You’ve got to explain things to him and hope it doesn’t happen again.”

Boston Celtic and Miami Heat players decided they hated each other because someone started talking trash, etc. Said Tim Hardaway of Antoine Walker: “He has all the skills you can put in a player. But his attitude is [messed] up. That’s how some players are. Someone asked me why he’s the least-liked player in the NBA. It’s because he has a [messed]-up attitude.” Rick Pitino, springing to his player’s defense: “What I try to do with Antoine is tell him that if he does the following positive things that he’ll be a great basketball player. . . . The last person to ever own up to their own mistakes is thyself. Sometimes they don’t even see themselves in the light of how they’re acting.” What he means is, he agrees with Hardaway.

Zydrunas Ilgauskas’ agent, Herb Rudoy, blasted Cleveland Cavalier doctors for not recommending surgery for his client’s foot a year ago. Ilgauskas hasn’t played since and the surgery was just done, finishing him for another season. . . . Jim Jackson of the Atlanta Hawks, on former Dallas teammate Jamal Mashburn of the Heat and, almost, the 76ers: “I spoke to him for a few minutes today and I told him, ‘You’ve got to be strong, go out there and play your game and let matters take their course. But even though this is a business it’s hard to put on a uniform and play for a team that you know doesn’t want you.’ ” . . . Washington Wizard President Michael Jordan arrived at 9 a.m. for a 10:45 practice and zinged everyone else for not being there earlier. Said Tracy Murray, the next to arrive at 9:10: “He was like, ‘What are you doing coming in so late?’ I was like, ‘Late? This is early.’ ” . . . . Toronto Raptor Coach Butch Carter, on Jordan’s return: “As long as Superman’s cape stays retired, I don’t care. It’s the [salary] cap man. The only one who can move that cap around is Jesus Christ and we haven’t seen him in 2,000 years.”