Kids Need to Learn Early the School of Hard Knocks

We are just not doing a good enough job of raising our kids.

People today should not have to be told: “That’s baseball,” but if Rick Monday, Ross Porter and Bill Plaschke have to make a point of saying it or writing it after Kevin Brown plunks Todd Helton in retaliation for Gary Sheffield getting hit, then something’s awfully wrong. Because you know none of these stalwarts is the type to just prattle on about nothing.

OK, so two out of three are not the types to prattle on about nothing.

The point here is, kids should have been throwing at each other long before growing up, getting fat and watching baseball unaware of the rules.

It should be a staple of every Little League batting practice: Lay down two bunts, take a fastball to the back and then hit away. “That’s baseball.”

Young pitchers should not have to be told to retaliate, but if it takes a sideline sign from the coach, that’s why coaches are there--to teach baseball. A kid shouldn’t have to wait until he gets home to have his father yell, “Next time, drill the little sucker.”

Everyone knows it’s just part of the game, like “There’s no crying in baseball,” although it did take Tom Hanks to remind all the girls.

There’s no doubt kids are better off today, learning the facts of life from sports-talk radio, but like anything in life, practice makes perfect.

You can see what happens when kids don’t receive proper instruction. Roger Clemens grows up, someone yells, “Stick it in his ear,” he takes it seriously and tries to throw it from one of Mike Piazza’s ears to the other.

That made it a little difficult for Piazza to just “rub it off,” but had he regained consciousness in short order, there’s no doubt here he would have done the right thing and just trotted to first base, like Sheffield and Helton.

What’s important here is to act like a man.

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DID I MISS anything? I got in line at the concession stand at Dodger Stadium in the sixth inning Sunday, and just now got to the counter.

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TODAY’S UNSUBSTANTIATED RUMOR has the sound of wedding bells being heard in Lakerland, and they don’t involve Kobe Bryant. Hint: Jerry Krause will not be best man.

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THE DOMINANT figure on the L.A. sports scene lives and works in Denver. Philip Anschutz has never sat in the front row for a Staples Center event, even though he provided much of the money to build it.

We’re talking about a man of heroic proportions here, who owns eight hockey teams--in this country and others--and five soccer teams, because who else would want them?

The man is selfless, concerned only with improving a community, as he’s doing now at Cal State Dominguez Hills, placing all the sports that no one cares about in one location that can be easily avoided.

This is exclusive news: The Denver billionaire has given permission to spend $100 million to build a track and field stadium that will seat as many as 20,000 steroid consumers, and a brand new velodrome, for whatever they do in a velodrome. There will also be a running path surrounding the 100-acre sports complex in Carson, which will have softball fields and the previously announced tennis and soccer stadiums.

I’ve never been one to advocate spending public funds on sports facilities, but I’d urge you to consider the investment here. Why not fund the building of a very tall, secure fence to isolate all the tennis players, soccer players, shotputters, bicycle riders, joggers and softball players in one place? It doesn’t have to be locked all the time; a work-release program could be considered.

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THIS IS REALLY big stuff, though, because this national sports training academy, or Nikeville after naming rights are undoubtedly sold, is going to put L.A. back on the minor-sports map.

It’s only a rumor now, but there is talk that Pete Sampras will emerge as Anschutz’s partner and lend his name and time to the West Coast Tennis Academy.

Anschutz has asked his L.A. lieutenants to look into acquiring more land in the area and to interest Tiger Woods in overseeing a golf academy. If I’m on the PGA Tour right now, I’m signing up for Tiger’s classes.

The Anschutz people also mentioned a couple of soccer guys they had in mind to oversee the soccer academy, but it’s like reading a Russian novel--I can’t keep the names straight--so if you really care, call Anschutz in Denver.

None of this happens, however, without the brain power and boldness of Tim Leiweke, who oversees Anschutz’s sports enterprises in L.A. Maybe someday he’ll employ those qualities as president of the Kings. But that’s for another day.

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IF I HAVE this right, Dustin Hoffman is the best-known tennis player in the Mercedes-Benz Cup tournament at UCLA.

Hoffman, Dennis Miller and a couple of tennis pros, who in movie industry terms would be known as character actors, put on an entertaining show to open play. Pam Shriver, acting as umpire, however, stole the show, and maybe ABC executives picked the wrong person to work on “Monday Night Football.”

After Miller provided some monotone tennis play-by-play, Shriver remarked, “Is that what we have to look forward to on ‘Monday Night Football?’ ”

Once the laughter subsided, Miller replied, “Girls don’t watch football.”

Remember, that’s dennis.miller@abc-tv.com.

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TODAY’S LAST WORD comes in an e-mail from Ralph:

“Dear Mr. Dodger Hater! I don’t know what your problem is--Sunday’s game was great. I loved watching the fans play keep-away from Dodger security--it’s amazing how a beach ball can be so entertaining. It was the first time I took a beach ball to the game.”

I understand the problem--I just took my wife.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at his e-mail address: t.j.simers@latimes.com.