Clubhouse Reaction Cuts to Heart of Valdes Matter

I think it’s generally understood now that the Dodgers’ Ismael Valdes has no heart, making it a medical miracle, I believe, that anyone is able to hit a home run off one of his pitches.

But upon closer examination, and after a search of The Times’ newspaper library, the best I can tell, no one in the Dodger organization has ever had the guts to say Valdes has no heart for the record.

The Orange County Register reported that Valdes had “club officials questioning his heart, mental toughness and attitude when they traded him in December.”

The newspaper also wrote: “Asked for a reaction to the deal [to bring Valdes back], one player politely declined comment.

“A second player chuckled, ‘Yeah, wonderful.’

“Another player simply walked away.

“And another player ran away.”

*

SO LET’S PLAY: Name the unnamed Dodgers.

Player No. 1 “politely” declined comment, which leaves Kevin Brown and Chad Kreuter out. Shawn Green is polite, but he didn’t play with Valdes. F.P. Santangelo would have been the obvious guess, but he’s mending in San Bernardino.

I’m going to guess Todd Hundley because his dad played pro ball and probably taught the kid to keep his mouth shut.

Player No. 2 “chuckled, ‘Yeah, wonderful.’ ” This one’s tough. Just try and chuckle, “Yeah wonderful.”

You can chuckle, and then stop and say, “Yeah, wonderful,” but chuckling and speaking distinctively enough for a reporter to understand is almost superhuman, which excludes all the Dodger pitchers except Brown. But he doesn’t chuckle, so he’s out too.

My guess is it’s Eric Karros, who got into a shower shoving match with Valdes a few years ago. And while that had to be, well, a little awkward, Karros is pretty smooth on his feet according to my unnamed sources, and reporters like to chum up to him because he’ll snipe as long as reporters protect him.

Player No. 3 “simply walked away.” Maybe he could not understand English, and that’s understandable because several of the Dodgers hail from foreign lands. Brown understands English, yet in his own way hails from a foreign land. And he’s experienced at walking away. Yeah, it has to be Brown.

Player No. 4 “ran away.” That would be Eric Gagne, figuring they were coming to take him to Albuquerque.

*

IT’S MUCH EASIER to figure out the front office.

After Valdes had been traded to the Chicago Cubs, research yielded Chairman Bob Daly saying, “I hate to lose Valdes.” So Daly’s not one of the “club officials” suggesting Valdes has no heart.

After trading Eric Young and Valdes to the Cubs, General Manager Kevin Malone said, “I can understand some people might look at this and not understand it totally, because we gave up two players.” So it’s not Malone.

You might have already guessed, Chief Marketing Officer Kris Rone, but it would be heartless on my part to suggest such a thing.

*

IT’S WHAT YOU come to expect from a county fair, but a spokesman for the California Mid-State Fair said he wasn’t sure if speaking engagements by Bob Knight and Mike Ditka in the main grandstand next Thursday would take the luster off the blue ribbon bull’s victory.

*

THE INTENT HERE is laudable. It’s the longe-range implications that are troubling. The second Jim Murray Memorial Golf Classic is taking on hackers for a get-together Aug. 21 at Lakeside Golf Club in Toluca Lake, the proceeds providing journalism scholarships.

So far seven “Murray Scholars” have been selected, receiving $5,000 each. At the risk of providing a light at the end of the tunnel for some of you e-mailers, those are seven future Page 2 columnists who will be looking for work.

*

THE IMPORTANT THING is to keep it just between ourselves. Stepping to the free-throw line with a friendly jinx hanging in the air, the Sparks’ Lisa Leslie, of course, missed to end her streak of 49 in a row. That’s OK, it’s only a WNBA game. The thing now is to not let U.S. Olympic team opponents know anything about it, lest they start yelling “jinx” in Japanese, Chinese or Portuguese. Just our little secret.

*

MY IMMEDIATE REACTION was that agent Leigh Steinberg hopped a charter in Orange County and flew to JFK Airport when he heard the Air France Concorde had crashed near Paris.

That’s probably being unfair, because it’s a five-hour flight and he would never have arrived in time. He was probably in Boston, and advised his staff to call ahead to reporters and TV stations to tell them he would be at JFK shortly and would have something profound to say.

Steinberg, who courts attention like no other, unless you’re calling to ask about misfit clients Jeff George, Ryan Leaf and Kerry Collins, pulled a major league “Arliss” and became an Associated Press sidebar within hours of the airplane disaster.

“Star agent boards another Concorde flight,” read the bold headline across the AP dispatch.

That’s why the story came to my attention. I thought the agent had really been super, and figured Michael Ovitz had been touched by an angel, missing the ill-fated flight.

But it was only Steinberg, telling the world he will continue to fly. Video at 11.

*

TODAY’S LAST WORD comes from Robert:

“Walk out of The Times building, head north to the 101 overpass and free us all.”

Not to jump to conclusions here, but I’m guessing you’re looking forward to my next three days off as much as I am.

*

T.J. Simers can be reached at his e-mail address: t.j.simers@latimes.com.