LAUGH LINES

Wide Load: “The other day in Washington, D.C., true story, during a protest over the high price of gas . . . a 350-pound man got naked and tied himself to a hood of an SUV. At first the police didn’t do anything because they just thought it was Ted Kennedy coming to work.” (Conan O’Brien)

Walking the Walk: “Granny D finished her 3,000-mile walk across America last week. The 90-year-old was just following instructions. Last year, she phoned her congressman to demand campaign finance reform, and he told her to take a hike.” (Argus Hamilton)

*

The Essential David Letterman

Top Things You Don’t Want

to Hear on a Ski Lift

9. “You know, we would both be warmer if you sat on my lap.”

7. “It’s your lucky day--you’re riding with the king of the knock-knock jokes.”

6. “Can you help me defrost my mustache?”

5. “Could you believe it? Some idiot just left these skis sitting right outside the lodge.”

3. “Ow! I just got hit in the face by a goose.”

1. “All right boys, cut the cable.”

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.