LAUGH LINES

Road Hazards: “When asked about her car accident, Gwyneth Paltrow said: ‘I don’t know how it could have happened. Halle Berry was such a good teacher.’ ” (Gordon McRae)

Wise Guys: “In Men’s Health magazine, doctors say a healthy man should become aroused about 10 times a night while sleeping. They say the body does this to ensure that the male reproductive organ gets all the oxygen it needs. Wait until men get hold of this. They’ll wake up in the night, [claiming,] ‘Honey, you got to help. I’m suffocating!’ ” (Jay Leno)

Testing, Testing: “George W. Bush proposed national standardized testing so kids can know where they stand. It might have helped him. In high school, he was voted least likely to ever be used as a lifeline on ‘Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.’ ” (Argus Hamilton)

Trouble Shooter: “According to a recent study, teenage girls who drink are much more sexually active. President Clinton said: ‘I want names. I want numbers . . . let’s get to the bottom of this.’ ” (Andrew Wisot)

In for the Long Run: “NBC has renewed ‘Law & Order’ for another five seasons. . . . People in Hollywood don’t even commit to marriages that long.” (Daily Scoop)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.