LAUGH LINES

On His Own: “President Clinton said, ‘I am the first president in history with a wife in the Senate, and I like it.’ . . . In the Senate, in the House, at the Laundromat, on her way to the dry cleaners--anywhere but in the White House!” (Jerry Perisho)

Making Sense of It All: “President Clinton weighed in on the controversial, closely contested presidential election. Clinton addressed the Washington press . . . and told them the people have spoken, but it’s going to take a while to figure out what was said. . . . Sort of like a George W. Bush speech.” (Ira Lawson)

Night Owls: “Radio moralist Dr. Schlessinger’s talk show, ‘Dr. Laura,’ has been banished to a 2 a.m. time slot. . . . That’s poetic justice. . . . The drug addicts, alcoholics and sex maniacs she rants against are the only ones up who can watch the show.” (Alex Kaseberg)

Clinton’s Angels: “Hillary Clinton has become the first female senator from New York. Did you see President Clinton got kind of misty-eyed while Hillary was giving her speech? . . . Well, Clinton’s wife is a senator, Monica Lewinsky is a millionaire, Paula Jones is in Penthouse. . . . All the girls are doing so well, he’s got to be proud.” (Jay Leno)

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