Trouble on Board the Love Train

Wild locomotion: In an article headlined “Strange Parties on Track,” the California Rail News reveals that the wheelchair-accessible restrooms on the state’s Amtrak passenger trains have experienced “some unique maintenance problems.”

“It seems that on at least a dozen cars, baby-changing tables have cracked at their wall attachments,” the Rail News said. “According to a Caltrans staffer who asks he remain unnamed, ‘We think someone misunderstands the purpose and they are being used as baby-making tables.’ ”

The report indicates there has been damage on nearly 1 out of 5 cars on the Surfliner (San Diego to San Luis Obispo), San Joaquin and Capital lines.

“Well, there’s a lot of space in those restrooms,” said Richard Silver of the Train Riders Assn. of California, which publishes the newsletter. “Reminds me of my first apartment.”

DRIVING TEST: I’m sure the motorist displaying the bumper sticker that Bob Patterson noticed (see photo) is aware of the boo-boo it contains. Right?

YOU’VE HEARD OF FOOTBALL WIDOWS . . . : Well, Miriam Sherman of L.A. came upon what must be software for spouses whose husbands spend too much time staring at computer screens (see accompanying).

JUST SAY NEIGH: USC recently replaced the rider aboard Traveler, the school’s horse mascot, after he reportedly rode into a man on the sidelines.

The rider has denied the charges. But Traveler’s record at football games has been questioned before.

In 1991, Traveler bumped into a Stanford song girl, knocking her down. After that, the horse’s handlers were ordered to “slow the gallops” and exert “greater control” over Traveler. But two years later, the horse threw another rider during a USC-UCLA game.

Then there was the time in 1990 that Traveler threw its rider and ran wild, seemingly making a charge at the Trojan football players on the sidelines.

Mishaps aside, the idea of using a horse to inspire Trojan football players is historically questionable.

After all, the original Trojan horse was a hollow creature filled with Greek soldiers and left at the gates of Troy. When it was brought into the city, the Greeks emerged and destroyed the city.

JUST SAY NEIGH (CONT.): Perhaps it’s time for USC to retire Traveler and return to a canine symbol like George Tirebiter, the sideline fan of USC teams in the 1940s (see photo).

Tirebiter’s fame was such that the mutt was once kidnapped by a rival school, which shaved the letters “UCLA” into his coat. Tirebiter was killed in 1950 when he bit into a moving Firestone that evidently had no tread separation problems.

miscelLAny:

After reporting for jury duty in downtown L.A., Linda Ramos noticed a gaffe in the memo she was given (see accompanying). Ramos pointed out that while attorneys are careful about picking jurors whom “they can read,” the court isn’t so interested in producing readable documents.