LAUGH LINES

Chinese To Go: “Al Gore was recently asked [by Oprah] his favorite food, and he replied, ‘Chinese.’ That makes perfect sense from a fund-raising standpoint. Who wouldn’t love Chinese food when every fortune cookie contains a check for a fortune?” (Argus Hamilton)

Weighing the Options: “The election is . . . weeks away. Is anybody happy with the candidates? . . . We got Gore, Bush, Nader and Buchanan--this is like trying to find a good piece of fruit at 7-Eleven.” (Jay Leno)

Fictional Touch: “Fox won’t air the first presidential debate. As an alternative, Fox plans to broadcast a two-hour premiere of ‘Dark Angel,’ a new sci-fi series. That’s just great. We get to choose between fiction and fiction.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Cracking the Code: “USA Today demystified the ‘code’ that airline flight crews use. For example, ‘bumpy air’ is what pilots call turbulence. A ‘rain shower’ is really a thunderstorm, and ‘piece of crap’ is used to describe the in-flight Steven Seagal movie.” (Ira Lawson)

Write On: “The rumor in publishing circles is that Rosie O’Donnell may follow Oprah’s footsteps and start her own magazine. We don’t have to worry about Jerry Springer doing a magazine. Most of his fans don’t read.” (Daily Scoop)

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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.