LAUGH LINES

A Real Deal: “The Kennedy-Nixon debates were replayed on their 40th anniversary. . . . One man was a playboy and the other a shady character heading for impeachment. . . . So you see, with Bill Clinton, you really did get two for the price of one.” (Argus Hamilton)

Class Act: “Political insiders have criticized Al Gore’s debating style and likened it to an elementary schoolteacher addressing a group of slow learners. Unfortunately, with George W. Bush . . . across the dais from [Gore], it was a natural reaction.” (Ira Lawson)

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The Essential David Letterman

Top Ways to Make

the Gore-Bush Debate

More Exciting

10. Replace the pitchers of water with pitchers of gin.

8. Large screen behind the candidates shows the baseball playoff game in progress.

7. Two candidates, one suit.

6. When George W. Bush mispronounces a word, a Texas prisoner gives him an electric shock.

5. The loser spends a week in boot camp for troubled teens.

3. Give ‘em a pair of nunchakus and let them settle it like men.

1. Are you kidding--it couldn’t be more exciting!

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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.