He’s About Ready to Buck These Broncos

Woody Paige of the Denver Post, ridiculing the Broncos for losing to the previously winless Cincinnati Bengals, 31-21, on Sunday:

“Mike Shanahan has scheduled the Broncos’ annual Official Team Photo for [today].

“However, Shanahan should forget the photo shoot and cancel all shore leave for the bye weekend. After playing like warthogs against the most feeble, futile franchise in football, the Broncos deserve no time, no quarter given.

“Boot camp, not training camp.”

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Trivia time: Courtesy of Mike Ashley of Sportsnote.com: The Minnesota Vikings’ Daunte Culpepper has become only the third NFL quarterback to win his first seven starts. Who are the other two?

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Sock it to him: Bill Buckner, the former Boston Red Sox first baseman, who is remembered as the goat of the 1986 World Series against the New York Mets, said it was “pretty dumb” for Roger Clemens to throw a bat in the direction of Mike Piazza in Sunday’s game.

“I don’t think anybody would have blamed Piazza if he’d jumped in and thrown some haymakers,” Buckner said.

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More Buckner: From Jerry Perisho: “It never would have happened if Buckner had been on the field . . . the barrel of the bat would have rolled between his legs.”

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Punster: Tom FitzGerald in the San Francisco Chronicle: “The Edmonton Oilers recently recalled defenseman Chris Hajt [pronounced Hite] from the minors.

“Since they already had center Doug Weight, they now have Hajt and Weight.”

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Memory block: Veteran New York Yankee coach Don Zimmer, when asked where he was when the Mets won their first World Series in 1969: “I don’t even remember where I was in 1969. I’ve been on so many teams, I don’t remember where I’m at half the time.”

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A real hazard: A woman about to stroke a putt was struck by a deer that wandered onto a Winchendon, Mass., golf course and bolted across the practice green.

“It just ran her down,” police officer Joseph Kaye told the Telegram & Gazette of Worcester, Mass. Ann Greene was taken by ambulance on Sunday to the hospital, where she was treated and released.”

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Froglike: Gene Wojciechowski in ESPN the Magazine: “The people responsible for Oregon’s gawd-awful green and gross uniforms are: A) Nike. B) A Reebok rep posing as a Nike rep. C) Costume designers for ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation.’ D) A Eugene, Ore., consignment store.”

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Bird coach: Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle reporting on the latest in personal trainers:

“A man was doing his regular run around Lake Merced when he came upon a jogger laboring along in heavy gray sweats. The man was carrying a bird cage. In the cage was a parrot saying over and over, ‘Let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s go!’ ”

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Get rid of it: Gil LeBreton in the Fort Worth Star-Telegram: “There is nothing wrong with the bowl championship series system that an honorable federal judge--or maybe a book of matches--couldn’t cure.”

“The BCS should be eliminated and its proponents either sued or jailed. I’m only half-kidding. I think.”

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Trivia answer: Dieter Brock of the L.A. Rams in 1985 and Mike Tomczak of the Chicago Bears in 1986.

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And finally: Conrad Dobler, former NFL offensive lineman who had a reputation as a dirty player, in Esquire:

“I only bit one guy: Doug Sutherland of the Minnesota Vikings. He put his fingers through my face mask and I don’t think they were there to stroke my mustache.

“So I bite one finger in my life, and I don’t even chew on it. The legend grew from there. It’s almost like I’m worse than Jeffrey Dahmer.”