Finding Poetic Inspiration in D.A.’s Race, of All Places

Who’s a wimp? . . . Miscarriage of justice? . . . Alive and kicking . . . Big B or little b?

The acrimonious race between incumbent Dist. Atty. Gil Garcetti and Steve Cooley, one of his head deputies, has inspired some bad poetry that is making the rounds at the Criminal Courts Building.

Called “Ode to Gillibrand,” the six pages of typed verse are loosely patterned after a classic, Alfred Lord Tennyson’s “Idylls of the King.” But the rhymin’ is more Dr. Seussian than Lord Tennyson.

Regarding the loss of the O.J. Simpson murder case come these stanzas titled “No Noose for ‘the Juice’ ”:

“And like the glove

That did not fit

The selected twelve

Chose to acquit

With short dispatch

It went down the hatch.”

Regarding the Rampart police corruption scandal:

“And the squabble Gillibrand makes so loud

With the Constable of Parks

Does not our kingdom proud.

Finger pointing, to and fro,

Accusations, high and low.

When will these two Rams part?

Regarding Cooley’s challenge:

“This ‘disgruntled’ peasant did endure

Piles and piles of your manure.

Much to your surprise

Will it be to your demise?”

Looks like somebody in Garcetti’s office is burdened with a classical education and too much time on his or her hands.

We assume that Garcetti, the muse, was not amused. Spokeswoman Victoria Pipkin, who according to the rhyme “can quip and pip and laud you with fair quote . . . but cannot buy you a vote,” cackled, but had no comment.

STEAL THIS LAWSUIT: Late 1960s political prankster Abbie Hoffman’s son, america, has filed an invasion of privacy suit against the makers and distributors of “Steal This Movie,” contending that the film version of his father’s “Steal This Book” portrays him as an effeminate, tantrum-prone “wimp” and “mama’s boy.”

America Hoffman also alleges that the film uses his name and likeness without his permission, and portrays him as a crybaby who was ignored by his father during his early childhood.

“Plaintiff has and will be scorned and/or abandoned by his friends and family, some of whom will believe that he was fatherless and effeminate as a child, and/or is a homosexual,” the lawsuit states.

Hoffman seeks punitive damages from defendants Lions Gate Films, Abbie Productions and producer Robert Greenwald. His suit also seeks a belated order preventing Lions Gate Films from distributing the movie, which opened Aug. 18. None of the defendants could be reached.

According to court papers, Hoffman takes exception to such scenes as one depicting father and son urinating together in a field. Never happened, court papers say.

SNIPES: A woman who worked as an executive assistant for actor Wesley Snipes and his production company, Amen Ra Films, claims in a lawsuit that she was illegally fired after she suffered a miscarriage and couldn’t accompany Snipes to a movie set last year.

Rosa Reeve says in the suit, filed in Superior Court in Santa Monica, that she started work for Snipes in May, suffered the miscarriage in August, and was ordered to accompany him to the film set in September, although her doctor had ordered her to rest for six weeks.

Reeve said she had been given permission to work at home, and said she couldn’t work on the set because it “requires substantial standing, walking and physical activity.”

She seeks unspecified monetary and punitive damages. Snipes, now starring in “The Art of War,” could not be reached.

NOT DEAD YET: Italian exotic car designer Claudio Zampolli’s defamation and breach of contract suit against Jay Leno and three other people has crashed and burned. Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Cesar Sarmiento recently tossed out a breach of contract allegation against businessman Lou Puccio, the last remaining defendant.

Allegations against Leno and his personal assistant were dismissed in February.

In his suit, Zampolli alleged that Leno invoked the f-word and other spicy language while branding him a crook at a classic car show in Van Nuys. According to the lawsuit, Leno confronted Zampolli, who had just recovered from a kidney transplant, and asked: “Aren’t you dead yet?”

The breach of contract allegations involved a complicated Lamborghini trade.

Zampolli says he hasn’t given up.

AIN’T NO SUNSHINE: We were puzzled, then amused by this headline in the Aug. 25 edition of the Los Angeles Daily Journal:

“Racial-Profiling Bill Withers . . . “

Say what? Bill Withers, the singer, a victim of racial profiling? Bill Withers, the voice behind songs like “Lean on Me” and “Just the Two of Us?” Outrageous!

False alarm. The story in the legal journal was about a legislative bill, with a small b. It withered on the floor, we presume.

EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME: A Los Angeles man who allegedly ran up more than $800 in charges on Ted Danson’s American Express account faces 40 years in prison after pleading guilty in U.S. District Court to identity theft and tax fraud.

Chuck Nnamdi Opara admitted his role in a multimillion-dollar scheme involving 28 victims whose stolen identities were used to claim huge federal tax refunds. Opara wasn’t charged in connection with Danson’s Amex card, but the “Cheers” star’s name surfaced as a victim in court documents filed in the case. According to the documents, a credit card fraudulently issued in Danson’s name was used last November to order a pricey digital camera that was delivered to a mail drop controlled by Opara. The scammer allegedly got Danson’s number off the Internet.

*

Times staff writer Mitchell Landsberg contributed to this column.