At Least He Tackles Better Than He Talks

Gene Collier of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, presenting the Trite Trophy to the worst sports cliches of 2000:

“This year’s mixology winner is Washington Redskins’ defensive end Bruce Smith, who described his reluctance to repeat an oft-repeated point about his team’s comically disappointing season by combining ‘not to beat this into the ground’ with ‘beating a dead horse’ and came up with ‘I don’t want to beat a dead horse into the ground.’

“Runner-up in this increasingly popular category was Steeler receiver Courtney Hawkins, who, in trying to express his keen resolve with which he and his teammates approached a December opponent, mixed ‘buckle up’ with ‘strap it on’ and produced ‘You’d better strap it up.’

“Sorry, you either buckle up your chin strap or strap on your helmet. Strap it up is strictly for parachutes and bust lines.”

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Trivia time: The AT&T; Pebble Beach National Pro-Am was previously called the Bing Crosby National Professional Amateur. Where was the original site of the tournament?

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Hockey fanatic: Woody Paige of the Denver Post, on today’s NHL All-Star game in Denver: “We don’t know a hockey puck from a month-old Hostess cupcake. We don’t know Zamboni from macaroni. We don’t know the Canucks from Camaple leaves. We don’t know a Hull from an Orr.

“Was Lady BadaByng a comedian? We couldn’t find the blue line with the aid of the Canadian Mounted Police. We don’t know when, where, why or Howe.”

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Why be surprised? David Hyde of the Fort Lauderdale (Fla.) Sun-Sentinel, on Butch Davis’ departure from Miami:

“Everybody should have known enough not to trust Davis’ denials regarding NFL jobs, even if his lips were hooked to a polygraph, his tongue was dipped in truth serum, his mouth was stamped by a notary and he was interviewed under deep hypnosis.”

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Two par fours: From the Gallery column of the San Diego Union-Tribune: “Tuesday marks the 30th anniversary of astronaut Alan Shepard’s historic golf shot on the moon.

“Shepard, an Apollo 14 crew member on the third lunar landing, took a modified 6-iron rigged to a 30-inch NASA tool shaft and, facing just one-sixth of Earth’s gravity, drove a ball 800-plus yards.”

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Trivia answer: Rancho Santa Fe Country Club in San Diego.

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And finally: Bernie Lincicome in the Rocky Mountain News, suggesting that Ray Lewis could be the poster boy for the XFL:

“I can imagine wrestling wombat Vince McMahon, out of whose restless brain emerged the XFL idea, cringing with envy each time Lewis was described as unfit for the tidy circle of NFL convention.

“Can’t you just see McMahon leaping to his feet and shouting at his lackeys, ‘Get me Ray Lewis and make sure he’s in handcuffs!’ ”