Some Bright Ideas for Saving California’s Energy

I just bought three energy-efficient, environmentally considerate light bulbs for more than $33.

At first glance, this is the worst deal since Jack traded his mother’s cow for a bag of beans, considering that a four-pack of standard, less enlightened bulbs sells for $1.44.

But California is in a full-fledged energy crisis, and I wanted to do my small part, even though nobody loves a crisis more than I.

Stage 3 power emergency? Let’s go!

Dimming lights and darkened computers? No problem! I’ll write the column by candlelight and on a yellow legal pad, the way the Chumash did.

Rolling blackouts? I might have had a couple of those in college. Bring ‘em on!

When Gov. Gray Davis urged us to tighten our electrical belts, I was among the first to respond with a list of ideas everyone could put into electron-saving action immediately.

I haven’t yet heard back from the governor, but I’m confident he’ll embrace the plethora of conservation techniques I’ve sent along.

Actually, that’s one of them: No more “plethora.” It sounds like a body part you’d rather not know about, and, more important, it represents eight energy-squandering keystrokes. At a time when the power grid has been rubbed raw, we should be content to use “lots”--a trim four keystrokes--instead of the wasteful “plethora.”

In fact, when it comes to energy conservation, the best messages contain no words at all.

On the 101 freeway outside Ventura, there’s a big electronic billboard on which Caltrans is supposed to advise motorists about road conditions, tornadoes ahead, good movies, upcoming political unrest and phases of the moon. I’ve never seen any useful advice on this expensive, electron-sucking piece of signage.

Today, in the middle of a torrential rain, it said something like “Floods on Freeway.”

What good can that wattage-wasting tidbit do us? Are we supposed to veer off at the next exit to gather two of each kind? Stock up on fins? Buy a life raft?

Another big power drain is television. Or, as a husky-voiced narrator would somberly intone if Ken Burns were to do a 216-part documentary about electricity:

“Another huge power drain is television” -- Steven B. Chawkins.

Most TV, of course, is energy-consuming junk, and you and I don’t watch much of that sort of thing except for several hours each night. But this week I tried to clean up my act by viewing the endless Ken Burns documentary on jazz.

“Too much talk, not enough music” -- Steven B. Chawkins.

Come to think of it, is there a law requiring the blasting of bad rock in clothing stores catering to anyone under 70? How much energy would be saved if video stores did the unthinkable and decided to forgo playing bad movies at top volume?

(A special Chawkins Electron Conservation Corps Nod of Approval goes to the movie “Cast Away,” the soundtrack of which consists mainly of wind and waves.)

I’ve suggested many other ways to save precious electrons: A huge tax on every sale made by a telemarketer. A moratorium on the thousands of phone calls and e-mails lately that have stated the obvious--deregulation has been a bust. It hasn’t made phone service better, the skies safer, air travel more available, or, most laughably, electricity cheaper.

As for my insanely expensive light bulbs, I might just invest heavily in them.

The manufacturers promise that my $33 purchase will save me $144 in energy costs during the next few years. Southern California Edison will owe me big time, and I won’t be talked out of it. Save your energy, guys.

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Steve Chawkins can be reached at 653-7561 or at steve.chawkins@latimes.com.